Saturday, April 5, 2008

Pune calling..

And I am answering the call.

I never thought I would feel weird doing all this. 4 rounds of shopping done to ensure nothing is left back, bags packed, lockers empty, shelves clean, check lists made, planned and re-planned everything, room orderly, no sign of life, heart - filled with vacuum.

Well, amusingly, most my bags are filled with a splash of just one color, blue! I don't know why, but somehow it just occurred to me that half the things I own are blue in color! When people ask me of my favorite color, I say brown or maroon, or black, or even better white :-P Also another nice answer is "depends". he he. But I don't know why I involuntarily choose blue! Its a nice color, no doubt, but, well...

Right now I am blue.
Cried eyes out on brother's call about being a big girl and taking care of myself in pune [He lives in US.] And I am not the ones who cry easy. The empty room makes me feel so low, writing this post is another horrible experience, last calls from best friends, last msgs to mates, all final formalities done. But where should I parcel this empty feeling? Like I am losing something very dear to me. Like I am running away from my responsibilities, Like I am being selfish and chasing my dreams on cost of my duties. Duties of being the sole kid of my parents in the continent, of being a true friend, of being the listener to people who have been just a call away whenever I needed them, of being a shoulder to cry on when mum misses her favorite kid.

Why am I so ambitious? Why can't I just stay put at home like all my friends and relish holidays? Why can't I just help myself make a future than choosing to go 2 another city to find people who can help me out? Why am I doing this to myself and my dear ones? Why is it so important to be the best in the run?

Well, priorities are set, the choices are made, and I made them. My parents supported me no end in all this and I just can't thank them enough for believing in me and my dreams. My brother is my support system and somewhere I want to live upto his expectations out of me, thus the chase, thus the burning desire to be the best! I don't know how correct this move is, how crucial it will be in shaping my future, how much I will be able 2 achieve out of it, how much worth it is of all the sacrifice..

All I know is, its now or never.
And I don't want to be the person regretting all her life about the choices she made.
Its not easy, well nothing is.
And I am going to give it my best shot.

So, adios my dear blogger-mates. I apologize from all my heart for not being around and contributing in your posts, for not being able to regularly provide matter from my neurons to my dear disoriented neurons. Hope you all gain harmony and lady luck showers her blessings on you in my absence. I shall make up for it when I am back :-)

P.S. Special mention, alisha. Your tag is pending, I am indebted :-P
Shall do it 1st thing when I get back :-)
Take care and take RPAS to the epitome of glory.


Solitaire said...

Ohhh I remember my first time. Similar experience. Now I look back with fond memories.

Alok said...

We will miss you. :(

Have a great time at Pune, and make yourself proud. I know you will succeed.

gunj said...

how i wish i was in ur shoes:(

Aditi ''Jiggs'' said...


well the day u get into ut dream institute that day ul look back on this day n just smile :):)

n have fun
besttt of luck!!!!!!

Nilesh Sawant said...

man this sucks......u are living my dream....

crasiezt said...

Miss blue shatabdi:-)
You've gone on some internship/project thing eh? Babe I know it sucks to be away from home, but it's gonna be fun too. Come back and tell me how it all was. Am sure someone will kiss all your tears away:-)

Express said...

@ solitaire
:-) hope with time it shall be easy to deal with. As of now, the novelty is sinking in and also the 1000 things I should've got, he he.

Thanks for visit and comment, lets see how it goes.

@ alok
Your confidence in me boosts mine, certainly. Your extra-senti mail made me go *sniff* :-P

I will miss you too :-(

Express said...

@ gunj
Well, I wished to be in these shoes and so am here. Lets see whether I get the shoes I finally wanna get in :-P

Looks glamours, start is amazing, lets see where it goes.....

@ aditi [not jiggs]
I can't thank you enough for all the support I have recieved from u, it has directly or indirectly helped me shape things up. Rem? you were the 1st person I heard this from, when the plan actually was charted, I was more confident about it coz I already had heard about it [from u]. I dunno where it shall take me, but it certainly IS AMAZING.

Thank u sp much gal, words ain't enough, cya on 10th,

Express said...

@ nilesh
Errmmm, I am living my choice coz I wanna live my dream. Honestly, it IS difficult. Given a choice I prefer mumbai anyday!

Thanks for comment.

@ craziest
Your wishes mean so much! No, its no training, I am done with thta. This is an intensive 3 mnth programme for preparation for MSc entrances in largely reputed universities, to live my dream, research :-)

And It is fun, roomies are gr8, I am learning a lot [not only about the subject, but also life and relationships and anger management and money management :-P]
Guess its all worth it, ha ha.

Aditi ''Jiggs'' said...

ur comin on 10th
dont forget my chocolates:D:D:D


noelia ~ said...

i really like the color black, but i mostly wear red, whereas my bedroom is painted with hot pink xD

either ways, being ambitious is one of the greatest things, not being scared to just go out there and enjoy your life and do what you want!

jeff said...

It sounds like you're leaving for a long time. How long will it be before you come back? Enjoy it though all you can.

Anonymous said...

oye yyar..u are a fauji's daughter..u should be accustomed to moving around...n well u are going only for ur internship....dnt worry .they wil keep u busy...u will be back before u know it....if ur so concered about leaving all these... better start getting concered with doing ur job amizingly well and then coming back with a satisfied feeling..cheerz n best of luck..;-)

Express said...

@ aditi
Yea!! I almost forgot, thnaks 4 reminding...

@ noelia
Thank u so much for constantly bothering 2 keep a chk of the activity on my blogey! I am so sorry 4 not makin enough time 2 chk urz back. Well, on ur comment,

I usually reply as "depends" as I prefer different colors for different things :-P

And about not being scared and making ur move, Honestly, I was scared, but now as I have seen wht it is like, Its fun!


Express said...

@ jeff
Yea, 2 n 1/2 mnths is quite sometime, and especially if its the 1st time u r living outta home, it is too much time..

But then pune's too close 2 mumbai, I can always jump back in something like a couplea hours :-P

Thanks for the visit and comment.

@ samby
I din move arund too much when my dad ws in service hmm, just vizag and then brought up in mumbai only :-)

Well, the work does.nt end after i am back does it? It continues till I reach my dream, research. Lets see where I reach....
Am giving my best shot though....

metal-militant said...

Well,it doesn't really matter to me where you're going because as far as I'm concerned,you live on the internet.Hehe.But have safe journey(if you haven't had it already) and trust your feelings,and be mindful of the living Force.

Alisha said...

well...whaddya know...wat if pune turns out to be good after all..i IS possible that u get regular access to the internet...n thats as good as the phone!!

well...dont think abt shirkin duty're doing all this so you can take real good care of ur parents they did of u(thats wat i believe anyway) give it ur best shot out there!!

n the tag...yes...karz karz karz..i shall remind u every time we talk!!

Express said...

@ Ishaan

@ alisha
No time for regular acces to the net re. i mean, it is cheap yea, but no time. The schedule is packed and not much time to try and even find time to call up people. But I am loving it, coz it is making me perform under all the stress :-)

Thanks for all ur wishes n support, means a lot.
Miss ya.

Am said...

well i kno i m a little late posting a comment, bt my god, dis post was so.... i dunno wat to say... emotional, even i was feelin a little blue reading it!!!!
well as a matter o fact we all r missing u, so come back fast so dat we all can have loads o fun, im the meanwhile, study hard :P

Express said...

@ am
gal! I miss u sooooo much!!! Neva realised that u guys meant so much for my usual survival and that life wud feel like endlessly monotonous w/o u all!! :-(

back soon, meet u on 17th pukka...