The Gym and its turbanators!

After writing the previous post, every time I entered the Gym, I noticed atleast one thing that I totally HAD to share with you guys! And also because the last post was so well received, here comes another gym story! :P


For a little background..
My gym has 4 trainers. Lets call them, M, S, R and V.

M is sweeeet! He is around all day and also is my trainer and hence, I have this extra special respect for him :)

S is the floor-manager. Everyone listens to him. He pushes people way too much and is slightly biased towards people who can pick up weights above 60 lbs at once :-/ Sometimes, he just unwraps a candy-bar, gulps the whole thing in 2 bites and then tells anyone who would listen, "Want it? Deserve it first!!!" :-/

R is the jallaaaad! He is devil in a track-suit! He came to overlook my exercises on my 2nd day at Gym and practically made me regret my decision to join in the first place!

V is a pig. He is a sleazy pig-man! I despise the way he looks at people and his smirk makes me want to pick up the heaviest dumb-bell and bang it right on his head! He is around only in the evenings and yes, I don't even walk the roads of my gym at that time.


Getting back to the entire point of the turbanator post.

I am a morning person. Evenings are for indulgence and not for workouts. But then, there was this one day when I went to Gym at 6pm; And, I saw him.
He was this absolutely gorgeous man with the perfect body, lifting weights by himself. His aura drained the presence of every other soul in the room, it felt like summer breeze. The features, the glow, the body language; everything about him just screamed “PERFECT”! Yes, he wore a black turban, but who cared about his religion when he had that super-awesome body! After 1 whole minute of mindlessly staring at him, I got back to reality and sprinted away with a big blush on my face :P

I couldn’t help but just notice that one man throughout my session. I don’t think I have ever had a more dumbfounded episode in my entire life. When he left, I felt like someone had just ripped off my heart and sent it along with him. But then V prove that he is the biggest pig on the face of the earth and I decided never to go back there in the evening.


Next day, when I walked in at my usual 10am slot, the atmosphere was different. The glee was in the very air and everyone seemed to be eagerly waiting for something to happen. I asked M for updates.
Me: Is something wrong?
M: No. Yesterday we had a new member join us. That's all.
Me: So? something happened yesterday?
M: (Big grin) He is a sardarji.

My heart skipped a beat! It was almost like God had planned this for us! Today I shall be reunited with the man of my dreams. The cycling equipment showed a much higher heart-rate than it normally would and I just couldn't help it. As I paddled away, all I could think about were conversation starters: His arms; No, the mark on his forehead; No, how does one become Sikh; No, dammmit!

And then he walked in the room.

My world started spinning and I was short for breath. This guy wasn't even close to that guy! Firstly, He was short. Even shorter than me.. and that is saying something! Then, he was wearing 10s of rings and 4-5 gold-chains. He probably weighed 100 kilos and sported a blue-white spotted turban. I stared at him open-mouthedly for 1 whole minute (just like I had looked at the other man), but this time, it was out of amusement. If that guy was sex on a stick; this guy was a small barrel, barrel with a colorful turban.

M heartily welcomed him with a hug. Turns out, R was sardarji's trainer and made his life miserable. This was what everyone derived enjoyment out of :-/

I finished my aerobics and moved towards the treadmill as the man changed into his gym-outfit in the men's room. I was obviously disappointed but chose to ignore the event and concentrate on my purpose. "Today I would run the fastest I ever have", I told myself before taking off. After a quick warm-up, R headed Sardarji towards the center for stretching exercises. Then, I couldn't believe what my ears heard. The man was practically screaming out sex-noises! I had to hit the *stop* button to prevent myself from falling off the tracks and everyone was heartily laughing their lungs out.

I couldn't stop myself from peeking in their direction and the scene was not very different from a sex position. They were on the floor with R on top and Sardarji screaming out, "Oh God, stop!!!" I was too shocked to react. I scanned the room to search for someone to take inspiration from, someone who was ignoring the incident; but even the trainers found it too amusing to overlook! After 2 whole minutes of entertainment, S asked everyone to get back to work with his candy-bar stunt. I restarted the treadmill and began walking. BB walked passed by me and whispered in my ear, "This is only the beginning."

After stretching, R assigned the treadmill right beside me to Sardarji [SD]. I could practically feel everyone's eyes on our corner. It made me super uncomfortable.
SD: R sir, My stamina has considerably increased!
R: In one day?
SD: Its not about number of days, its about the amount of effort I put in yesterday.
R: Anyway, walk while you talk!
SD: Also, my diet-chart is very strict.
R: You have a problem with that?
SD: Yes. I am not allowed to eat anything!!
R: What nonsense. You aren't allowed to eat just a few things.
SD: Don't tell me what I shouldn't eat. Tell me what I should eat!
R: You should eat everything apart from the things mentioned on your list. Avoid junk, rice and non-veg particularly.
SD: Give me examples.
R: You can eat leafy vegetables!
SD: Something nice..?
R: No, nothing 'nice'. No sweets, no fried and no spicy food.
SD: Then what should I eat everyday?
R: You should eat "lauki"! (bottle-gourd). It is healthy, it is cooling and good for weight-loss.
SD: Sir, how does one eat spice-less lauki everyday?
R: Well, you should have thought about this before gaining 40 kilos of extra weight!! Now shut-up and run!

At that point, It had just gotten too much for me to take! I hit the *stop* button.

R: (to me) You have 10 more minutes to go!
Me: I would rather run those in the courtyard.
R: Why?
Me: Nothing, fresh air.


So yea, my gym is way too action-packed!! It is the highlight of my day and now with Sardarji coming at my time, it is one of the things I actually look forward to :P


P.S. Turns out, BB is the new star of the Gym. He lost some 12 kilos in 2 months. He attributes his success to his "protein shake" and "Co-operation of the trainers".. BUT, you and I might just know the *real* reason behind it ;)

The Gym, the guys and the water-cooler..

Yes, I finally agreed that I don't like what I see in the mirror and resolved to change it. When I was new to it, I hated it. But well, you have to get used to some things in life and so did I. What I did not realize was that, going to the gym can be very dangerous. With all the eye-candy around, It is like walking on a highway's yellow line. A little toe here or there can get you killed :-/

You ask me how? I will tell you.
You can never make out a guy's age at the gym.

Doesn't sound horrifying enough? You wait till you hear the stories!

So I am 22, right? So ideally, guys I would consider would be 22-26, right? All this while in a college set-up, it was very easy to choose guys to chase; considering that your batch kinda gives away your age. But at a gym, no-one looks their age!

The guy who started talking to me first turned out to be 19! Children these days! They start gyming from school days and puff-up their bodies to look 10 years elder!
He asked me what I did and called me "Didi" to burn down all my emotions :(

There was this one exercise that I was doing wrong and this gym-member corrected me. So that led to a very interesting conversation about muscle tone and yes, interesting conversations are always a turn ON! But, my bad luck soon caught-up and he asked me, "Which standard are you in, Beta?"
At first I thought he wasn't talking to me. But then, to my horror, he pointed and repeated the question. I knew he was much elder than me and I guessed 30ish. What I didn't know was that he was a 42 year old 6-pack obsessed uncle.

Now you see why I said that about gym and men!?

Well, My initial days at the gym were spent lusting a tall-fair-chubby guy who always wore blue clothes. I'll call him Blue-boy (BB) :P. So, after 1 whole week of eye-contact and timid smiles, we have a dialogue. He was skipping in the courtyard and I was sent there for jogging-rounds.
BB: (stops hastily) You need the rope?
Me: What!?
BB: Rope, skipping rope! (with animated actions)
Me: Oh! I heard something totally bizarre!
BB: What did you hear?
Me: Dope. (sly smile :P)
BB: Haha! Wow. I can use some of that right now! God knows that losing weight the straight way is tough!
Me: Err.. I should get started on those rounds..
BB: Listen, I don't do drugs ha!
Me: Huh?
BB: I mentioned needing pot right? I don't do it.
Me: Good for you. (tightening my shoe-laces to take off)
BB: No, believe me. I'm very much against all vices. I have even stopped talking to my friends who began smoking.
Me: OK. (straight-face)
BB: I don't befriend smokers or dopers or alcoholics or arts students because they are usually smokers or dopers or alcoholics. You aren't a student of arts, right?
Me: No, but..
BB: I knew it! And you are not Marathi either! I'm not very fond of Marathi-people.
Me: Hmm. You know what? I need to be running now and you should jump. So I guess we can talk later..
BB: Aree no, Why you getting into formality?! I'm taking a break anyway. So, where was I? Yes, I don't like Marathis or Punjabis. I might look like a Punjabi, but I'm actually a Sindhi. You are not a Sindhi, are you?
Me: Nope. But I need to run now. So, bye!

Since that day, every time I see him, he comes to gym wearing a white tee which says "No Smoking". This has been on since so long that now, I can openly judge him to be someone worth avoiding forever.


So yea, there was sweaty-sweeterson, adidas-ganji-guy, smug-face, black-gloved knight, Garfield-butt, lifts-like-a-girl, stares-at-the-wrong-place, Tom-cruise-lookalike, brown-eyes-chin-dimple etc etc; but they don't come at my time, so who cares!


And now the mystery of the water-cooler! Tan-tana!!

So while one works out, one takes a water break. So, in 1 hour, I drink water about 3-4 times. The time-out at the cooler is a perfect opportunity for one to make conversation with others. So, being the observant person I am, I have noticed that during crowded hours, when a hot girl makes her way towards the cooler, guys choose to take time-outs and rush there :P

I noticed that this one person, [lets call him Creepy-eyes (CE)] started coming to the cooler when I was there. I found it so weird that I started carrying my own bottle to the gym :-/


Such stuff happens everywhere, It depends how you choose to react to them. I have decided that gym-guys are not for me. They are just good to look at; but when you interact with them, you wish the earth would tear apart and swallow them whole! Or they are taken and you wouldn't want them to think of you as a cling-on.

So, Gym is strictly for nirmal anand (mild entertainment) and for other stuff, we have the blogs ;) :P

Grayscale

Love. The chase. The madness.
Essence of Life. Hyped concept.
The lust for more and more of Love.

Honesty. Frank open-mouthed-ness.
Clears the air. Guilt-free.
or Honesty which is abrasive, Raw.

Abuse. Inappropriate, unconventional.
The vices. Indulgence,
or Exploitation of another's space / property.

Want. Desire.
To let the urges take over the whole of you.
To not regret anything, Ever.

Religion. To worship and how.
Wash brains, cleanse souls, follow rituals.
To believe or make-believe.

Respect. Or the sheer absence of it.
Towards something that is available for free.
For someone's feelings.


Resilience. Intolerance. Frustration. Envy.
Calculation. Reasoning. Brainstorming all Pros and Cons.
Emotion. Heart. Flowing with the heart.

Pain.
Or Happiness in else's pain.



Nothing is wrong. And Nothing is right.
It's just a frame of one's mind.

Spontaneous Funtaneous!

Before I go ahead with the post, I would solemnly agree that I don't swim in money like Scrooge McDuck does. I am not a poor person's daughter/sister, but being a student, I'm perpetually WBPL.. yes, Way Below Poverty Line.

But that does not restrict me from making plans with my friends. Plans for 2-3 day trips or even a random 1 day visit to a nearby landmark. The thing is, in my small way, I try to make the best of places and time available to me. If my parents permit, the budget is higher.. if they don't, the luxuries need to be laid off.

Somehow, all I have learned is that, The less money I spend, the more fun I have!
Ironic, isn't it?

Don't get me wrong.. I love it when I have luxurious vacations with my parents. Traveling in big cars, beach-facing suites, no shopping budget what-so-ever, everything pre-planned and all you need to do is: 'stick to the plan'!
But there is just so much of 'paneer makkhanwala + naan' that you can eat!!

In the last 3 years, I have immensely experimented with cuisine and people. Hence, a little more enlightened Shatabdi confesses that she has had a VERY good time!
Done a lot of crazy things.. But I am enlisting My most favorite 11.

*!* Ordering food at a road-side dhaba by saying "Jo hai, le aao" (Bring whatever is available). Eating 1 plate of everything among 5 people and paying 200 bucks.

*!* Changing in a disgusting loo where normal people would never even set a foot. And then after wards describing the feces to gross people out :P

*!* Getting out of home without knowing the means of travel. Break-journeying in auto 5 times! and later laughing about the fucked up backside.

*!* Celebrating a birthday party at an unknown person's rooftop.

*!* Drinking 4 kinds of unidentified (non-alcoholic :P) liquids just for experimentation. Further, mixing those drinks to make a Grey liquid and drinking that. All of this in a ultra-posh mumbai cafe. Yes, the kinds where film stars walk in :P

*!* Commuting for 23 minutes with 8 people in a 3 seater auto-rickshaw.
*!* Sleeping with 7 people (non-sexually) on 2 mattresses in a friend's friend's friend's boyfriend's house :D

*!* Playing a beach ball game with absolute strangers and terribly losing it :P

*!* Living for 3 days in a room with moss green dripping walls, 1 bulb and Giant insects. AC didn't work and fan showered dust. Thank-god it was in a hill-station!

*!* Traveling in a public bus that was literally about to fall apart.

*!* Getting lost and then mugged and finally, spending the night at Lonavala Bus depot!

Been there, done that! :D


All I am trying to say is that, to get to know a place one has to wander the streets. I lived in a fantastic city like Hyderabad for 2 odd years and did everything that was there to do. Next, I intend to check out some foreign country where language and cash isn't the barrier. OR even a trip just-by-myself sounds fun, but I am not sure if I am mature enough to handle that.

Also, I do not click pictures. Other people do and I choose and collect them. That way, I can absorb a lot more than worrying about "the perfect angle." No offense to the photographer-types, but well, that is just not something for me.

The intention of this post is not to brag about the unusual things that I have done. It was in fact to try and break the stereotype that 'fancier trips are more fun trips'. Call me crazy, but if I take a mountain-top trek, I drink the naturally precipitated water! That is something that makes me feel real close to mother nature.

I would really love it if my partner chooses to go to a national park for our honeymoon. Because all said and done, the best way of doing it, is the way nomads did it :P :P
So, what was your most memorable trip?


P.S. I do not want to encourage kids to run away from home, just to try and have some fun. My parents always knew where I was and how to reach me. Keeping a toe beyond the line once in a while is okay, but we must always be responsible.

Bachao!

I have been a good girl for so long now. Since the massive fiasco in school, I've managed to act perfect in front of you. You know me as the girl who behaves herself with all your friends, the girl who doesn't mind cooking and cleaning once in a while, the girl who used to go to lab and come straight to the hostel at 10pm.

Then, Why do you want to dig deeper and know 'me'? Why do you want to make me super conscious on a website where I was supposed to be 'myself'? Why can't you continue being the same ignorant and normal mother like you used to be in the past.
WHY?!


Yes children, she caught the facebook bug. She has been asking me to sign her up since a week and I successfully changed the topic. But now, she is officially, the newest member on my friend-list!

DAY1
Ma: (while I was watching TV)I want to be on facebook.
Me: Aree.. you saw Bade Ache Lagte Hai's this week's promo?
Ma: Yea. They are going on honeymoon!!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY2
Me: I saw (some cousin's) pictures. She has lost some weight now. Looks cool!
Ma: Yea? That's because they are trying to get her married off..
Me: Oh. Still, its good to see that people are having fun.
Ma: She sent those photos to you?
Me: No. She just uploaded them.
Ma: Facebook? If I was a member, I would have seen it too.
Me: err.. the dal is very tasty today! Extra garlic?
Ma: No, the trick is to fry the dal with the onion and garlic before adding water..
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY3
Ma: (while I was on the computer) Open an account for me on facebook.
Me: Did you see the new features on yahoo msgr! You can talk to bhaiya in US much more effectively!
Ma: yea?! connect it now!!!!!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY4
Ma: (while I was facebooking on the computer) I also want to use facebook like you do.
Me: Mom, its not for you.
Ma: Why? Because I hadn't seen a computer right when I was born? If your brother was here, he would have been happy because I want to share your fun. But you? you just don't want to keep me updated! (blah..blah..blah..)
Me: Mom, its very complicated! I took 2 months to learn it myself!
Ma: And if you teach me, I can learn it in 2 months too!!
Me: But you have to leave for Kolkata next week! There are so many things we need to do before that!
Ma: I simply forgot!! There is so much to do... Diwali shopping, cleaning, cooking, packing gifts.. lonnng list!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY5
Ma: I told you so many times but you just don't listen to me!
Me: What did I do now?
Ma: You didn't water the plants!
Me: Oh. Give me a minute. I'll get to that.
Ma: You didn't make me a facebook account.
Me: Mom! this plant has a new bud and 2 new leaves!
Ma: Great! I'll take the flower in the flight to Kolkata.
Me: (grin) For dad?
Ma: (blush) For the goddess!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY6
Ma: Every time I talk about my facebook profile, you make a scared face!
Me: I don't!! Ma, this window is so dirty! Can you fetch me the bottle of Easy off bang?
Ma: This bai is good for nothing. I won't give her diwali bonus.
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY7
Ma: My 4 friends are on facebook now.
Me: Mom, today is the tailor's delivery date nah?
Ma: No, its tomorrow. I want to see how many more of my friends are on facebook.
Me: Aree, i doubt you will find many people. But will you please make fish for dinner?
Ma: I made rotis and you don't eat fish with roti so, I'm making your favorite cauliflower... after I sign up for facebook.
Me: But I am hungry now!
Ma: Its 6pm. Eat biscuits and drink water while you make my facebook id.
Me: My laptop is out of charge.
Ma: Use the power-cord.
Me: The neighbor borrowed it.
Ma: Use my laptop.
Me: (with sad puppy face) My eyes hurt! I worked for 3 hours straight on a PC just now...
Ma: You chatted y'day for 4 hours. Splash some water and teach me facebook for 1 hour. NOW.
Me: Grr.. Why do you want it anyway?
Ma: To keep in touch with friends and find some old friends.
Me: ok. So, you sign up by giving a primary email id.
Ma: gmail? but that expired.. so we have to make a new id.. hmm.. lets think of some name...
Me: NO! Lets use ur existing yahoo one.
Ma: Why yahoo for everything?
Me: Because that takes less time. Now, let me type to show u the 1st time...
Ma: How will I learn if you do everything?
Me: How will I live if you type like a snail?
Ma: You will sit patiently and watch me do it. Like when I watched you draw the alphabets 18 years ago.
Me: (with a desire to tear my head off) OK. So type in your details here.
Ma: (after 10 minutes) done!
Me: Stop rejoicing, its only the start. 5 more forms to go.
Ma: Make tea while I read the policy of the website.
Me: No-one in the history of the universe has ever read them! Just click on agree.
Ma: (Looking at me as if I asked her to throw all her gold in the dustbin) What if I don't?
Me: Then you can't be on the site!
Ma: This is wrong!
Me: I clicked on agree and am standing 1 piece in front of you. 100 million people across the world clicked on agree and made facebook the biggest social networking site ever. NONE of them have gotten into trouble. So please, for the love of god, click on agree.
Ma: Fine. But you made me do it.
Me: OK!!

*frustration continues for another 1 hour*

Me: Now, all we need to do is get you some friends!
Ma: Search for xyz, abc, lmn and pqr!
Me: Done! Now all we have to do is wait for them to respond.
Ma: Wait! They all have 40-50 friends! I need more.
Me: Mom, you have to start small no. Eventually you will get there.
Ma: But everyone who knows me should know that I am on facebook now.
Me: Alright! you can add (some cousin)
Ma: Of course!
(I open my profile and go to the friend list)
Ma: (Pointing at the 'add friend' tab and a sly smile) click on that!
Me: (Mahabharat in my head and an innocent smile on my face.) Of course!

*frustration continues for another 1 hour*

Ma: After my friends add me, how does this change?
Me: You can see their walls, msg them, chat with them, share info with them..
Ma: But how?
Me: Ill login from my id, accept your request. Then you can login from your id and see for yourself.
Ma: Yes. Do that!
(Changes are made. Mom is successfully taught how to login.)
Ma: 300 photos!
Me: I've been here for about 3 years now! So that's not even 10 photos a month!
Ma: Hmm.. Your status message..
Me: What about that now?
Ma: I don't get it.
Me: Its just something random. No-one gets it.
Ma: Still, 12 people liked it.
Me: Aree, people go on liking everything on facebook. You let be.
Ma: (scrolling down) there is so much here..
Me: I told you, its complicated..

(and just when I thought it was done and I could start relaxing..)

Ma: You went on a mid-night road trip with some boys when you were in Pune last month?!?!?


and hence, my facebook account is currently deactivated. :-/