Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Gym, the guys and the water-cooler..

Yes, I finally agreed that I don't like what I see in the mirror and resolved to change it. When I was new to it, I hated it. But well, you have to get used to some things in life and so did I. What I did not realize was that, going to the gym can be very dangerous. With all the eye-candy around, It is like walking on a highway's yellow line. A little toe here or there can get you killed :-/

You ask me how? I will tell you.
You can never make out a guy's age at the gym.

Doesn't sound horrifying enough? You wait till you hear the stories!

So I am 22, right? So ideally, guys I would consider would be 22-26, right? All this while in a college set-up, it was very easy to choose guys to chase; considering that your batch kinda gives away your age. But at a gym, no-one looks their age!

The guy who started talking to me first turned out to be 19! Children these days! They start gyming from school days and puff-up their bodies to look 10 years elder!
He asked me what I did and called me "Didi" to burn down all my emotions :(

There was this one exercise that I was doing wrong and this gym-member corrected me. So that led to a very interesting conversation about muscle tone and yes, interesting conversations are always a turn ON! But, my bad luck soon caught-up and he asked me, "Which standard are you in, Beta?"
At first I thought he wasn't talking to me. But then, to my horror, he pointed and repeated the question. I knew he was much elder than me and I guessed 30ish. What I didn't know was that he was a 42 year old 6-pack obsessed uncle.

Now you see why I said that about gym and men!?

Well, My initial days at the gym were spent lusting a tall-fair-chubby guy who always wore blue clothes. I'll call him Blue-boy (BB) :P. So, after 1 whole week of eye-contact and timid smiles, we have a dialogue. He was skipping in the courtyard and I was sent there for jogging-rounds.
BB: (stops hastily) You need the rope?
Me: What!?
BB: Rope, skipping rope! (with animated actions)
Me: Oh! I heard something totally bizarre!
BB: What did you hear?
Me: Dope. (sly smile :P)
BB: Haha! Wow. I can use some of that right now! God knows that losing weight the straight way is tough!
Me: Err.. I should get started on those rounds..
BB: Listen, I don't do drugs ha!
Me: Huh?
BB: I mentioned needing pot right? I don't do it.
Me: Good for you. (tightening my shoe-laces to take off)
BB: No, believe me. I'm very much against all vices. I have even stopped talking to my friends who began smoking.
Me: OK. (straight-face)
BB: I don't befriend smokers or dopers or alcoholics or arts students because they are usually smokers or dopers or alcoholics. You aren't a student of arts, right?
Me: No, but..
BB: I knew it! And you are not Marathi either! I'm not very fond of Marathi-people.
Me: Hmm. You know what? I need to be running now and you should jump. So I guess we can talk later..
BB: Aree no, Why you getting into formality?! I'm taking a break anyway. So, where was I? Yes, I don't like Marathis or Punjabis. I might look like a Punjabi, but I'm actually a Sindhi. You are not a Sindhi, are you?
Me: Nope. But I need to run now. So, bye!

Since that day, every time I see him, he comes to gym wearing a white tee which says "No Smoking". This has been on since so long that now, I can openly judge him to be someone worth avoiding forever.

So yea, there was sweaty-sweeterson, adidas-ganji-guy, smug-face, black-gloved knight, Garfield-butt, lifts-like-a-girl, stares-at-the-wrong-place, Tom-cruise-lookalike, brown-eyes-chin-dimple etc etc; but they don't come at my time, so who cares!

And now the mystery of the water-cooler! Tan-tana!!

So while one works out, one takes a water break. So, in 1 hour, I drink water about 3-4 times. The time-out at the cooler is a perfect opportunity for one to make conversation with others. So, being the observant person I am, I have noticed that during crowded hours, when a hot girl makes her way towards the cooler, guys choose to take time-outs and rush there :P

I noticed that this one person, [lets call him Creepy-eyes (CE)] started coming to the cooler when I was there. I found it so weird that I started carrying my own bottle to the gym :-/

Such stuff happens everywhere, It depends how you choose to react to them. I have decided that gym-guys are not for me. They are just good to look at; but when you interact with them, you wish the earth would tear apart and swallow them whole! Or they are taken and you wouldn't want them to think of you as a cling-on.

So, Gym is strictly for nirmal anand (mild entertainment) and for other stuff, we have the blogs ;) :P


Nidhi said...

hahahahaha!!! Really loved your post!! and gosh! that BB was sooo chipku and such a big BORE!

Atrocious Scribblings said...

Wow, looks like a quite loony bin; this gym you go to. I`m sure there must be some normal people as well right?

Didi, Ha Ha, Children these days.

BB looks like the only person who can be racist,flirt and make a fool out of himself all at the same time; you have a catch right there.

Thanks for deciphering the water cooler mystery for us, I`ve never actually stepped into a gym all my life so this painted quite a picture for me.

Enjoyed reading this one. Try posting more often na?

Express said...

Aree, uske aur kaand hue hai; but w/e. I'm glad you liked this one. I have more gym stories, prolly in the next post :) Thanks for reading, woman :)

Well, all the good ones just mind their own business and so have I begun to do :P and anyway, I go at off times and hence, I encounter very few people :)

That BB is one chutiya only! Today he wore a blue Tee which read, "I play with fire, But you play with yourself" It almost accused every other person of masturbation :-/

Abt the posting, I will try re. I have 3 unfinished drafts. After Jan you will surely see me on blogosphere perpetually, so yay :P

Siddhartha Joshi said...

Hahaha...that was toadly hilarious :D I remember reading another post on gymming (by a girl again) which was damn funny too...I wonder if only women have such fantastic experiences in gyms!

Haven't been to a gym for a while, but I have no such stories to tell...except perhaps one hot trainer me and friend would often check out. Unfortunately she had the voice of a squashed frog and that was the end of anything even mildly interesting there :)

Express said...

Yes. Girls have interesting experiences because they r sparse no :P My gym is SO full of guys that sometimes I wonder if I should be there :-/

and ur female trainer sounds so thakela! All the hot girls have a group of guys they flirt with :P and then after they r gone, guys compare being in whose group is better :P :P You could actually try getting recruited in one of those gangs :P

How do I know this?
well, being pally with the trainers helps ;)

Confused Soul said...

gosh these gym guys sure are creepy..Made me leave my gym.. yes water guys.. happened.. then there were these weird trainers.. and then guys looking form all corners.. ppl willing to help when u dnt ask for it.. all creepy man..

LOl loved this post :P :D

Express said...

Dude! Really?!

I'm just lucky that my trainers are so great! and the gym is just round the corner from my house re, kisine misbehave karne ki himmat bhi ki nah, mu tudwa dungi :P

But dont u have time slots when males dont come? are some other gym?

I feel super-bad for u now :(

Confused Soul said...

aaahh no no special timing.. i know .!! now that u feel bad fr me..umm i dnt mind a panipuri :P

Express said...

Chalega! Its been a while since I met a fresh new blogbuddy :D and considering that we are both in the same city,
Lets meet upp!!


also, congrats on ur 100 :)

Cяystal said...

HAHAHAHAH! BB sounded like a creep, man :O No Punjabi no Marathi, half the "dudes" were ruled out reee.
And, mainu bhi gym jaa kar try maarna hai ithe uthe bandon par :S
And I don't like what I see in the mirror too, I wish to cut my face and put it over Megan Fox's body :D

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Haha! He actually wears the same tee all the time?? :)
Poor you being called a didi :P

You have a nice blog :)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Thank you for dropping by :) Glad you liked my work :)

Red Handed said...

I joined gym last mth and I looove reading posts on gym.Thankyou for writing this :D
and you know the worst part abt my ife..MY EXTRA SUPER HOT TALL DARK HANDSOME GYM INSTRUCTOR IS GAY :(
Life jhandwa!
I never talk to anyone in my gym. I am boring like tht

Menachery said...

hehehh... hmm gymming does have its own share of stories, and hilarious sit :P .. but yea like you mentioned, its diff, to know the age of the men in the gym :( ...

A guilty conscience said...

hahaha...hilarious ...if it is fisction then you are realy creative...the character skech that i formed in my mind was very defined....

Express said...

Jao jao, gym jao. But baadmein mat kehna ki resist nahi ho raha hai :P

and Megan Fox? :P uska face kaatefi nah? usse meri body pe laga dena :P

dude, since the day I posted this, he started wearing different clothes to gym! Weird co-incidence, no?

and thanks a lot for liking this place I guess.. I LOVED your too! Keep dropping by :)


Express said...

Red Handed:
I go at 10am. By then the office crowd has all gone and random clatter of women is ruling the place. I am the most silent of them all. But checking out the eye-candy doesn't hurt nah :P

BB is so out! and I read ur Gay instructor post cz Atrocious linked it. It might be entertaining to others but I know how weird and yet comforting that can be :P

Thanks for coming by, woman :)

Yes, and so much!
I just mentioned 1 story to put across my point.. but i face like 10 examples of this per day!!

Its good in some ways, I guess. Gymming increases the tenure of "youth".. but its very bad for people like us who like to screen whom to hit on :P


Express said...

I wish I could form such stuff in my head, but no, it isnt fiction.

Thanks for the visit n Im glad you had fun :)