Friday, December 9, 2011

The Gym and its turbanators!

After writing the previous post, every time I entered the Gym, I noticed atleast one thing that I totally HAD to share with you guys! And also because the last post was so well received, here comes another gym story! :P


For a little background..
My gym has 4 trainers. Lets call them, M, S, R and V.

M is sweeeet! He is around all day and also is my trainer and hence, I have this extra special respect for him :)

S is the floor-manager. Everyone listens to him. He pushes people way too much and is slightly biased towards people who can pick up weights above 60 lbs at once :-/ Sometimes, he just unwraps a candy-bar, gulps the whole thing in 2 bites and then tells anyone who would listen, "Want it? Deserve it first!!!" :-/

R is the jallaaaad! He is devil in a track-suit! He came to overlook my exercises on my 2nd day at Gym and practically made me regret my decision to join in the first place!

V is a pig. He is a sleazy pig-man! I despise the way he looks at people and his smirk makes me want to pick up the heaviest dumb-bell and bang it right on his head! He is around only in the evenings and yes, I don't even walk the roads of my gym at that time.


Getting back to the entire point of the turbanator post.

I am a morning person. Evenings are for indulgence and not for workouts. But then, there was this one day when I went to Gym at 6pm; And, I saw him.
He was this absolutely gorgeous man with the perfect body, lifting weights by himself. His aura drained the presence of every other soul in the room, it felt like summer breeze. The features, the glow, the body language; everything about him just screamed “PERFECT”! Yes, he wore a black turban, but who cared about his religion when he had that super-awesome body! After 1 whole minute of mindlessly staring at him, I got back to reality and sprinted away with a big blush on my face :P

I couldn’t help but just notice that one man throughout my session. I don’t think I have ever had a more dumbfounded episode in my entire life. When he left, I felt like someone had just ripped off my heart and sent it along with him. But then V prove that he is the biggest pig on the face of the earth and I decided never to go back there in the evening.


Next day, when I walked in at my usual 10am slot, the atmosphere was different. The glee was in the very air and everyone seemed to be eagerly waiting for something to happen. I asked M for updates.
Me: Is something wrong?
M: No. Yesterday we had a new member join us. That's all.
Me: So? something happened yesterday?
M: (Big grin) He is a sardarji.

My heart skipped a beat! It was almost like God had planned this for us! Today I shall be reunited with the man of my dreams. The cycling equipment showed a much higher heart-rate than it normally would and I just couldn't help it. As I paddled away, all I could think about were conversation starters: His arms; No, the mark on his forehead; No, how does one become Sikh; No, dammmit!

And then he walked in the room.

My world started spinning and I was short for breath. This guy wasn't even close to that guy! Firstly, He was short. Even shorter than me.. and that is saying something! Then, he was wearing 10s of rings and 4-5 gold-chains. He probably weighed 100 kilos and sported a blue-white spotted turban. I stared at him open-mouthedly for 1 whole minute (just like I had looked at the other man), but this time, it was out of amusement. If that guy was sex on a stick; this guy was a small barrel, barrel with a colorful turban.

M heartily welcomed him with a hug. Turns out, R was sardarji's trainer and made his life miserable. This was what everyone derived enjoyment out of :-/

I finished my aerobics and moved towards the treadmill as the man changed into his gym-outfit in the men's room. I was obviously disappointed but chose to ignore the event and concentrate on my purpose. "Today I would run the fastest I ever have", I told myself before taking off. After a quick warm-up, R headed Sardarji towards the center for stretching exercises. Then, I couldn't believe what my ears heard. The man was practically screaming out sex-noises! I had to hit the *stop* button to prevent myself from falling off the tracks and everyone was heartily laughing their lungs out.

I couldn't stop myself from peeking in their direction and the scene was not very different from a sex position. They were on the floor with R on top and Sardarji screaming out, "Oh God, stop!!!" I was too shocked to react. I scanned the room to search for someone to take inspiration from, someone who was ignoring the incident; but even the trainers found it too amusing to overlook! After 2 whole minutes of entertainment, S asked everyone to get back to work with his candy-bar stunt. I restarted the treadmill and began walking. BB walked passed by me and whispered in my ear, "This is only the beginning."

After stretching, R assigned the treadmill right beside me to Sardarji [SD]. I could practically feel everyone's eyes on our corner. It made me super uncomfortable.
SD: R sir, My stamina has considerably increased!
R: In one day?
SD: Its not about number of days, its about the amount of effort I put in yesterday.
R: Anyway, walk while you talk!
SD: Also, my diet-chart is very strict.
R: You have a problem with that?
SD: Yes. I am not allowed to eat anything!!
R: What nonsense. You aren't allowed to eat just a few things.
SD: Don't tell me what I shouldn't eat. Tell me what I should eat!
R: You should eat everything apart from the things mentioned on your list. Avoid junk, rice and non-veg particularly.
SD: Give me examples.
R: You can eat leafy vegetables!
SD: Something nice..?
R: No, nothing 'nice'. No sweets, no fried and no spicy food.
SD: Then what should I eat everyday?
R: You should eat "lauki"! (bottle-gourd). It is healthy, it is cooling and good for weight-loss.
SD: Sir, how does one eat spice-less lauki everyday?
R: Well, you should have thought about this before gaining 40 kilos of extra weight!! Now shut-up and run!

At that point, It had just gotten too much for me to take! I hit the *stop* button.

R: (to me) You have 10 more minutes to go!
Me: I would rather run those in the courtyard.
R: Why?
Me: Nothing, fresh air.


So yea, my gym is way too action-packed!! It is the highlight of my day and now with Sardarji coming at my time, it is one of the things I actually look forward to :P


P.S. Turns out, BB is the new star of the Gym. He lost some 12 kilos in 2 months. He attributes his success to his "protein shake" and "Co-operation of the trainers".. BUT, you and I might just know the *real* reason behind it ;)

17 comments:

Atrocious Scribblings said...

I repeat what I said to your last post, This is quite some loony bin you go to.

Looks like unlimited entertainment comes in a free package along with fitness at your gym :P

Good read this one. Keep 'em coming.

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

You and your gym antics :)
Haha :) It;s fun reading about them :D

Confused Soul said...

I couldn't atop giggling throughout the post!...sex noises... barrel :P .. crap man! crazy, really! and I think R is very rude..he shouldn't talk like that no?

Zeba said...

Oh my my. What an interesting collection of people you got there! Why do you get to have all the gym fun? :-( Send some over to my place too! Hehe. I want dibs on the Sardar Ji!! :-P

Kunal said...

Gym adventures... :P
Haven't been inside a gym for a long time... Going by the fun quotient of this post, it is a right time to start. :P

Can you tell us the name of the gym...will see if it has branches in my city... :D

Haha..

Express said...

AS:
Its certainly not as crazy as u make it sound :P But yea, it is certainly crazier than regular Gyms :P


Philo:
Don't encourage me 2 write another post abt the gym man.. cz god knows that I can :P
Thanks for coming by :)

Express said...

CS:
:P
and well, I hated R initially.. but he knows his job man.. he is the most successful trainer at the gym and is no non-sense fellow. So, I guess thats good no?

But im glad u enjoyed this one :)



Zeba:
Which one? :P
I guess everything is fun if u wanna derive fun out of it :)

<3!

Express said...

Kunal:
Unki koi shakha nahi hai :P
all the fun is exclusive for us Mumbaikars :P

and I would not recommend torturing yourself to anyone. I am doing it just for 3 months to get in some kind of shape. :)

PeeVee™ said...

Are all gyms like this? :P I should so join one soon then:D Just for entertainment's sake.

Sex noises from the Sardar, I can only imagine and I'm glad I wasn't there for I would have literally cackled my head off:D

What happened to the Sex On The Stick? You didn't try to find out if you could switch times for him?:)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

haha :) go ahead and write it then :D

Thanks a ton for the comments on my series. I'm glad you liked it :)

Red Handed said...

hahahah I laughed so much... sex on stick and barrel with turban :D
he sounds sooo naive and adorable but..poor guy :D

Zeba said...

Jo bhi dil kare, bhej do..! ;-)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Thank You for your lovely comment :)

Trinaa said...

Dude. I like your gym. Although how you're going to lose weight with such lunatics around is a question I'd rather not ask. :P

Sach! said...

Arrggghhhh !!! I wanted to tell you something for so long. I thought I'll read your blog. And I read this. I'll msg you on FB abhi k abhi...
You ARE my SOUL SISTER !!

Cяystal said...

Turbanators, I always associate them with our own Bhajji. And 40 extra kilos ? *points a finger at her and laughs* :P
And dude, itni adventurous life kaha hoti hai :( Meri toh sad hai. Disgusting si.
AND AND, have I ever told you, you make me laugh like craaaayzaaay! The sex noises part bwahaha. And running around the courtyard sounds so much better. Chalo daude. :S

Urv said...

Doesn't your mom read your blog? Or was it just FB? ;) :P