Learning lessons, Turning pages

Scars of the past, in my head
Dissatisfied, yet fulfilling
Alone, without a breach
I gush to another destination.

2008.
A year full of surprises and shocks, utmost highs and deepest lows, so much planning and organizing.
And now, 2009, time to implement, time to act to achieve what I planned for.

Is it what I want? I do not know.
But should I not achieve, I shall let hearts down.
Which is not what I want. Thus the chase. My name has already been enrolled for the rat-race; all I have to do now is run the race, because if I don’t run, there is no-way I shall win.

So, I shall be the rat.
I shall chase my cheese
So that I feed my tummy later
And don’t have to beg or please.

The year where I shall graduate, 2009 shall be full of some more sweet sour memories. Leaving Ruia college will hurt, but finally having a degree and be called a graduate at the age of 19 should be unusual.

So, there you go, I am ready.

With me there is sufficient facility
Within me there is infinite capability
Before me there is endless possibility
Around me is boundless opportunity
Why should I fear?

7 Random things again

I have done this one, actually this was my first tag ever.

But Disguise tagged me and I love her so much that I couldn't say no. So, here it is girl.
7 random facts about me.

1. I am going to the beach with my parents and some other families tomorrow! It should be a helluva experience! I can't wait to make a sand-castle. [that is why I am going :-D ]

2. My last annual festival in my college got done on 24th. I did not cry when it ended, because it did not sink in, but now even if I think of it, I feel all low :-( I don't want to leave Ruia :-(

3. People who read me are all lovely people, but it so sad to know that so many don't comment! My college friends come up here and message me their feed-back and do not click on that comment button! Why, I do not know. This is one chance to tell me. Also, I am not comment hungry, even if I get none, I shall be equally happy.

4. I hate treating blogger like a social networking site. I will be frank enough to tell that. There are just a few people with whom I socialise because we share that kind of bond. period.

5. I don't want 2009 to come. It is going to be decisive n difficult and I am not sure if I am ready.

6. I am a phone-keeda! I talk and talk and even if I wanna stop, continue talking! I just made a new record, maximum time on phone with a girl on STD, 1 hour 44 minutes with Sachi. I <3 you ladki! :-)

7. I don't like the number seven. And like I confessed in Diu's blog, I find 6 and 9 absolutely cute! My lucky number is 2 though.

So, there is it. I tag anyone who has not done this one or wants to do it again.

P.S. To know what women want, read what I wrote here.

:-(

The celebrations of the arrival of lord in our world are very thanda this year. We can see people skipping the midnight mass and staying put, which is both good and bad as I see. Good, coz they are spending much time with family and valuing each others company. Bad, coz somehow it gives a feeling of surrendering to fear. Anyway, the events that happened in the country lately have had an effect on every celebration.

My annual college fest almost got called off. We had to plead to the princi so much for not losing out on it in our last year. Plus, we organized a peace concert instead of the usual gig; which was just what it should be, peaceful :-)

St. Paul’s cathedral, kolkata, had its usual mass yes, but they distributed black wrist bands to all devotees as a mark of protest against terrorism.

My own city has probably been worst hit, Christmas parties canceled, carols not sung, churches empty :-( city after 8pm empty, suspicion in everyone’s eyes, no Santa on the road, no massive list of Christmas shopping, no eating vodka cake coz Joe uncle called off his party :-(

We canceled our New Year party, coz it didn’t feel like celebrating and dancing all night.

Country mourning, we protesting, attending rallies, skipping parties, all our lives definitely affected.

And yet,

A software engineer was beaten to death because he refused to financially contribute in Mayawati’s birthday celebrations.

My question
Why do politicians exist in any state?
To introduce, reform, direct, re-direct, to voice ‘our’ opinions in the parliament, to represent us.

Very sad that it has reduced to birthday celebrations and election rallying with some disoriented young volunteers.

Almighty,
May peace be conferred upon this land
And
Please give sadh-buddhi to my country-men.

Praise the lord!

Disappointment

I don’t usually deal with much document work. But today I had to collect my passport from the post-office. Postman uncle had come home twice and on both occasions left notes. No-one is home from 9-4, thus the non-availability. But, it was high time I went and collected my govt. authorized document that would enable me to fly overseas.

So, I left home at 9 and then began my hunt of the post-office. Weird how we college-goers ignore places of general importance. Anyway, I asked shopkeepers and random people on the road and everyone seemed pretty amused at the fact that a localite was lost :P Nevertheless, found it in one corner of the CIDCO office and walked in.

I spoke to the post-master, he called the man responsible for my area and then after some random formalities there it was the document for which I had waited for about a year, my belonging, my very own, passport! But something stood in middle of me and it,
Chai-paani.

My parents had warned me about this. And they had actually said that if there are any signals from the man; give up some-money; “because we don’t wanna lose out on important letters.”
“But why bribe? We are doing it all legally and have made all the payments!”
“They shouldn’t ask you because you are a student, but, you never know”
“What if I refuse to pay? He will still have to give my passport.”
“Don’t be stupid. Do as I say”
“But I don’t want to give money; that is his duty!”
“I know and I agree with what you are trying to say beta, but its our documents or other notifications that are on stake. Apart, it is hardly some money.”
“But is it about the amount?”
“Do you always have to argue?”
*grumpy face*
“See girl, this has happened to us before. Because we refused to give them diwali [reward money on a hindu festival] at our old house, they didn’t deliver something and because of that, some delay led to us paying a very heavy amount as fine. So, listen to me, give him this” said daddy slipping a note in my hands.

I stayed mum then. All those arguments came rushing back to me now. And as I stood across that table, I was reminded of my dad’s words. Postman's guilty eyes were penetrating me and my conscious just didn’t want to encourage something I have spoken so strongly against at various occasions.

There was a huge line behind me, of people wanting to talk to the post-master. Commotion was building up; everyone was looking at me and the postman. All I could think about was the gateway peace rally and how we had talked about being good citizens. It was cold and my palms were sweating.

I lost. I chose to be a good daughter.
Papa, are you happy now?

Now Showing - Taare Zameen Par

People who know me in and out might be surprised to see me talking of movies. Well, I am not actually interested in the motion pictures, and the ‘craze’ associated with them is beyond me. But having seen this one movie n number of times, my opinion of movies has definitely seen a change. TZP is lot beyond just shooting, stating, singing, dancing, laughing, crying, drama, forcing fake emotions on people, celebrity fever or having multiple big names.

It is about understanding and making others understand, beyond the barriers of language. I recommended it to one non-Hindi speaking friend and she couldn’t find a version with captions and yet, understood the movie. There can possibly be no-one who hasn’t identified with any part, despite it having a complex theme [which is relevant among people of all age groups].

The beauty of colours,
The fact that every-one has something special,
Simple, relevant, elegantly carved dialogues,
And the inexplicable serene calm when you find that one person who understands you..

The Music is another ultimate stroke of brilliance.
When Kholo Kholo is a masterpiece; there is no one who can resist tears during ma,
Then there is Jame Raho’s panic and the title track’s splendor,
Mera Jahan is everyone’s dream song; Ishaan’s theme and the background scores just add to the radiance of the entire act.

With all of this, the ultra-sexy animations are just ‘wow’; they make you wonder about the scope of creative aptitude.

I know I am a little too late for a typical ‘review’, but I had to write on my appreciation for the script writer, director, actors and other crew. Just because this film has made me realize that movie-making is definitely not a kid’s job. I am currently watching its first television premier on Zee TV and I had watched it in its 1st week when my brother came down to India last time. Thus, extra added memories and more emotions attached to it.

Everyone has an Inu hidden in them. That’s what makes them relate to the concept.

Ending with one of the many dialogues that leave a mark on your minds,

ख्याल करना…बहुत ज़रूरी है Mr. Awasthi. इसमें इलाज की शक्ति हैं..एक मरहम हैं जिससे दर्द मिटता है..बच्चे को तस्सली हो जाती हें की कोई उसका ख्याल करता हें..एक आद झप्पी..प्यार भरी पप्पी..यह दिखने को की, 'मैं ख्याल करता हूँ…बेटा मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ…अगर कोई फिकर हो तो मेरे पास आयो..क्या हुआ जो तुम फिसले, कोई गलती हुई तो मैं हूँ ना'…यह दिलासा…ख्याल करना… ख्याल करना इस्सी को कहते हैं ना Mr Awasthi? बहुत अच्चा लगा ये जानके के आप Ishaan का ख्याल रखते है.
:-)

This night that never ends...

You like them
They don‘t like you back.
You need them
They don’t need you back
They leave
And all you do is
Wait.

For them to take notice
For them to call
Just cling onto all the memories, all the fun times
Force your needs upon them
They suffocate, they quit
And you still don’t stop haunting their lives.

They don’t wanna make things messy
But do they understand you?
Do they realise
What they mean to you?

And then realization strikes

And start your desperate attempts to act like you don’t care

But the truth remains

No matter how many girly parties you attend
how many vodka shots you gulp
No matter how much you bitch
you tell yourself that you ‘deserve better’
No matter how much you stare at the screen of your phone
And how many hours you stand at the door
No matter how much you wish with all your heart that you hear from them one last time..

They don’t trace their path back

And you continue your endless directionless wait
Every passing day....


P.S. To every girl that still waits,
Yes, patience is a virtue. But do you deserve being treated like that?
I have learnt
Love yourself
And the world will follow suit.