The saga of the whining victor

Antakshari and I are old buddies. I chase it, it chases me; I win it and sometimes if I don’t, it wins me. Where-ever I go, I invariably end up participating in it and hence the chase continues.
So it did, even here in Hyderabad.


On the 30th of Jan ’10, after a whole drama, I managed to make a random team of three and won, yea, came 2nd without doing too much effort and had a gala time. BUT, I had no idea that the last bit of my association with this contest would be the most frustrating one, requiring maximum amount of patience from my side; the part where I collect my prize.

First, they don’t give the prize-money / vouchers on the prescribed day because it is supposed to be centralized. So, hang on, it will come to you. We play safe, ask one of the organizers to collect and then pass it on to us. What I do-not know is that he is an ass who will continuously call me in the middle of a test [after telling him repeatedly that I’m busy till 5pm]. Whatever happened to ‘dropping a text message?!’ Flustered, I decide to deal with the other guy, choose to call him up and explain. Well, he turns out to be the sane choice; let’s call him A. By this time, it is 1st Feb. ’10. A gave me a date after inquiry, 7th Feb, Sunday, official prize distribution day.
Turns out it wasn’t.


I’m sure they had their reasons, but the postponing continued for quite some-time. One of these days, he managed to lay his hands on the cheque and the vouchers, but failed to pass them on to me. Then A and I played I’m busy-You are busy for another couple of weeks, had another blood-boiling experience with the 1st organizer guy and finally, on one of the worst days of my life, 8th March, I collected the glorious prize. Hang on, doesn’t end here.

First of all, the vouchers were bogus. I have an awesome hair-style, and they give me 200/- discount at Habib’s. I don’t wear jewellery, they give me 1000 bucks off, If I shop for 12,000 bucks. Are you kidding me?! There is more to it…
The cheque was an account payee, which I obviously knew would go in my account that might be in any bank under the sky; BUT while giving the cheque to me, A asked me to go to this prescribed bank’s distal branch and en-cash the money. Blind me didn’t read the cheque and took his word for it.

After this, begins the most annoying part. I am running around all day in the campus with the cheque in my wallet and when I get free in the evenings at 5, the bank is shut already! On the 13th Mar, it is second Saturday, the bank won’t even open. Unbelievable frustration

FINALLY, today, 2 days prior to my super-huge ultra-important presentation, I take time out to go all the way to Madhapur in this scorching heat, only to get a joke made out of me. The banker asked me to go back to my campus branch of SBI and deposit the cheque in my account and then, withdraw the money from my regular everyday atm. I insist on withdrawal, but as I’m not his customer, he is free to not entertain me.


Current status is that my cheque is dropped in the box. It will en-cash after 3 working days and then I get the money. If I was in US now, I would be filing defamation against the fest-organizers for being the sole reason behind absolute nuisance, tanning me 2 shades down, causing deep inconvenience and inefficient transfer of deserved currency. But I’m in India, and this happens every day here.

It gets on my nerves more because back home in Bombay, every time we had a fest, the winners got their prizes less than ½ an hour after they won, and here, the cheque was dated 22nd Feb. I still don’t have the money, but I’m ready to ignore all the drama that followed.

You might wonder what were the 2 of my group mates [one of them a guy] doing all this while. Nothing. I couldn’t face them because it was like I owed them money and yet, I didn’t! Of the Rs 500/- of my share, I have already blown about Rs 250/- in making phone calls, travelling, eating ice-creams to turn down frustration and the likes. Another grand would be spent in PARTYYY and treat-treat-treat chants. Grr.


A few good things that came out of the whole thing are that I won against someone I really wanted to show the ground, made another decent friend in Hyderabad and understood the value of a not-so-petty 500 rupee note.

Take home messages.

1. If you organize a fest, it is just not about the 3 days, it is about everything that happens before and after it. Act responsible.

2. If you have an enemy, ask them to participate in Felicity, organized by IIIT Hyd; and make absolutely sure that they win.

Blah.

This love-hate thing..

When they like you, you don't like them;
when they don't, you lurrvveee them.
When you talk to them, you are on cloud nine,
when you don't, probably they are on cloud seventeen :D

And then all this while,
there is this person
who stares at you while you work in the library,
dreams of you, day and night,
tries a lot to talk to you,
smiles a lot while talking to you.


And you keep hoping to talk to the person who doesn't care what you want to talk about, making several blows to the feelings of the one who does care.

This funny thing about liking someone, you sometimes forget that you need to be liked back.


You settle for whatever comes along. You want to eat a fruit, who cares if it is lemon or strawberry? Humour yourself that all is going to end well; but knowing very well deep down that this ain't going nowhere. Hurting someone elses feelings because this one particular person isn't paying enought attention to you.

This funny thing about loving someone and they not loving you back, someone ends up getting hurt for no fault.


Then, there are your friends. They sympathise with your situation, but 'HAVE GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING NOW!' They, their respective relationships and their funny tales. You have to go like, 'You 've gotta be kidding me!!' or 'Awww, I'm so happy for you :)'; when deep down telling yourself, 'Get out of this room before you explode!'

This funny thing about wanting to be friends with only those people who have identical relationship status as you.


Just when the sea in your heart calmed down, why does the tornado strike?
When you were busy playing neutral, why do all the positives and negatives in you start attracting and repulsing with each other?
This sudden rush of feelings for this one person, all goes well and then suddenly,
*Boom*

The bubble bursts!


WHY?

Love, is it?

The favorite topic of discussion?

Dream-partner, dream-romance, dream-dates, dream-kisses, dream-love-making, dream-wedding!

I personally (still) do not believe in love. I (still) do not see why other people do, AND (still) don't think I would ever be able to. All I had to say about love is this.

My last year's valentine's day post was just an attempt to change the whole topic to other forms of love, but well, this weekend I'm saddened.

Every-one's concern is absolutely different.

Shahrukh Khan wants Paki players to play in IPL
Shiv-sena + Ma-na-se don't want call him a traitor instead
Mumbaikars want to see 'My name is Khan'
Rest of india wants to either like it or not-like it
Terrorists wanna bomb one of my favorite bakeries
City-police wants to sleep
Pune-kars want to act like nothing happened
Hyderabadies want Telengana
Students want to study and nail GATE
My hostel-mates want to smoke in the wash-rooms
My classmates want placement
My mum wants me to wear a saree
My bro wants me to study hardER

I meanwhile, want a break!


One weekend, just one weekend surpasses all others as a mighty huge disaster. And what's best? Its just the beginning of the year / term / career, and I'm freaking out already.


Funny how I had to read a quote on Valentine's day. Says,
Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others; while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are visible to us; we have a situation in which misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day.
Interesting, very interesting.

Where is the will? Is there any way?

Winter would mean different things to different people; to me it is like a Black Hole. This winter I seem to have lost all feeling of feeling at all. Forget romance, winter is just a lousy season because:
I’m drained out of everything! Interest, Energy, Thought-process, Motivation; even regular bodily Sensation! Numbness all around; in the periphery, in the limbs, heart, head, every part!

Initially I was looking forward to the “real” winters. In Mumbai temperatures do not fall below 15 degrees usually. Now, being in the jungles of the south, I knew the temperatures would definitely be cooler than back home. What I did not expect was freezing myself to numbness. And well, everything in and around me is now, frozen. Fondness became Apathy, Warmth is now cooled off and the heart? It feels like an ice-cube. Sigh.

Making an attempt needs motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience you have to experiment, to experiment you should innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for the process to trigger you have to make an attempt. So, we are back to square one, the circle of trying, of attempting. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.
I used to think I am. But, I am not.

For survival there is a constant need to attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. When I do try, at times, I fail. I muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve started to stop caring; It is almost like I am asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.

To deal with it is tricky, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure and failing in life is equal to choosing to end it; yes, the ‘will’ is missing. I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting, waiting for calamity to strike, for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything, Panic!

*beep*

And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.

P.S. I'm writing after almost 2 months. Feels good :)

Do I not belong here anymore?

It smells a little different in here
not like it did when I had left
the fresh calm is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.

The furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door is changed,
A gleaming new washing-machine has replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.

I can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to the fan or light
There are marks on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.

My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since four months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on someone else's space.

This someone else is me that I was back then
Carefree, Teenager, Thoughtless, Easy;
The someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery.

Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.

It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be.

Mamma-Papa are the same though;
some wrinkles are new, some kilos here and there
But its the same warmth that I used to feel
when I was she.

I'll always be their princess maybe
Always, the little one
So coming to them will always be like
coming home, whichever house it might be.