'A nice flight' is a myth

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word 'plane'? Zooming around in the sky? or Meeting the hottest air-hostess?

Well, in my opinion, Air-travel couldn't be more over-rated! Why, you ask? Here, I give you 10 reasons why planes simply suck!

10. People think they are smarter. Seriously. You will always find one guy who wants to monitor everyone's overhead luggage and readjust it just so he could establish his 'flight-experience' :-/ Funnier enough, you find people mark their territories in sections of the flight THEY take care of. How about, help when you are asked to and let the flight-staff do their work, moron!

9. You can barely be comfortable for the entire duration of the flight + the time of boarding / take off. The seats are NOT recliners and the pillow is a joke. Blankets make you itchy (not warm) and the neck-rest reaches the top of my head :S

8. Everything is sub-standard. Their wi-fi, their card-readers, their shopping catalogs, their beer! and yet, they term it being 'world-class' just because its up-in-the-air! Plus, you can almost always fall. Doesn't that scare the shit out of you?!

7. Whats with frustrated air-hostesses?

6. The screens are faulty, the earphones might make you deaf, telecast is fluctuating /eye-hurting, the collection of programs plain sucks and the movies are SO edited that you can't make head-or-tail out of it.

5. A smile costs a million dollars! No-one even thanks the flight-staff anymore and there is an uproar even if the flight is 30 seconds late.

4. You are expected to dress well. Especially if you belong to the feminine gender. Your baggage is judged, your hair, the brand of your clothes, shoes, even the book that you read matters! It defines you and whether you are speak-worthy or not.

3. Every seat has its advantages / disadvantages. If you sit on the window, you need to scream everytime the air-hostess asks you something.. and if you sit at aisle, you need to get up everytime your fellow passenger feels like. You can't just let them slide, there is no leg-room anyway.

2. Plane food is ass. There, i said it.

1. EVERYONE farts in a plane! Courtesy the food of course. As the journey progresses, the air in the plane starts feeling funny, if you notice.. and if they have served beef jerky, even god can't save you.


Trains are slower but they are the better means to travel any day. If only we could practically slide all continents and stick them to each other! Sigh!


P.S. I realize that this post makes me sound like a super-brat. But, if I pay $800-$1000 for a service, I better get an efficient one.

P.S.S. Like you figured, I traveled a lot in the last few months. Made some life defining decisions and some heart-breaking ones. Updates follow, soon :)

The Gym, the guys and the water-cooler..

Yes, I finally agreed that I don't like what I see in the mirror and resolved to change it. When I was new to it, I hated it. But well, you have to get used to some things in life and so did I. What I did not realize was that, going to the gym can be very dangerous. With all the eye-candy around, It is like walking on a highway's yellow line. A little toe here or there can get you killed :-/

You ask me how? I will tell you.
You can never make out a guy's age at the gym.

Doesn't sound horrifying enough? You wait till you hear the stories!

So I am 22, right? So ideally, guys I would consider would be 22-26, right? All this while in a college set-up, it was very easy to choose guys to chase; considering that your batch kinda gives away your age. But at a gym, no-one looks their age!

The guy who started talking to me first turned out to be 19! Children these days! They start gyming from school days and puff-up their bodies to look 10 years elder!
He asked me what I did and called me "Didi" to burn down all my emotions :(

There was this one exercise that I was doing wrong and this gym-member corrected me. So that led to a very interesting conversation about muscle tone and yes, interesting conversations are always a turn ON! But, my bad luck soon caught-up and he asked me, "Which standard are you in, Beta?"
At first I thought he wasn't talking to me. But then, to my horror, he pointed and repeated the question. I knew he was much elder than me and I guessed 30ish. What I didn't know was that he was a 42 year old 6-pack obsessed uncle.

Now you see why I said that about gym and men!?

Well, My initial days at the gym were spent lusting a tall-fair-chubby guy who always wore blue clothes. I'll call him Blue-boy (BB) :P. So, after 1 whole week of eye-contact and timid smiles, we have a dialogue. He was skipping in the courtyard and I was sent there for jogging-rounds.
BB: (stops hastily) You need the rope?
Me: What!?
BB: Rope, skipping rope! (with animated actions)
Me: Oh! I heard something totally bizarre!
BB: What did you hear?
Me: Dope. (sly smile :P)
BB: Haha! Wow. I can use some of that right now! God knows that losing weight the straight way is tough!
Me: Err.. I should get started on those rounds..
BB: Listen, I don't do drugs ha!
Me: Huh?
BB: I mentioned needing pot right? I don't do it.
Me: Good for you. (tightening my shoe-laces to take off)
BB: No, believe me. I'm very much against all vices. I have even stopped talking to my friends who began smoking.
Me: OK. (straight-face)
BB: I don't befriend smokers or dopers or alcoholics or arts students because they are usually smokers or dopers or alcoholics. You aren't a student of arts, right?
Me: No, but..
BB: I knew it! And you are not Marathi either! I'm not very fond of Marathi-people.
Me: Hmm. You know what? I need to be running now and you should jump. So I guess we can talk later..
BB: Aree no, Why you getting into formality?! I'm taking a break anyway. So, where was I? Yes, I don't like Marathis or Punjabis. I might look like a Punjabi, but I'm actually a Sindhi. You are not a Sindhi, are you?
Me: Nope. But I need to run now. So, bye!

Since that day, every time I see him, he comes to gym wearing a white tee which says "No Smoking". This has been on since so long that now, I can openly judge him to be someone worth avoiding forever.


So yea, there was sweaty-sweeterson, adidas-ganji-guy, smug-face, black-gloved knight, Garfield-butt, lifts-like-a-girl, stares-at-the-wrong-place, Tom-cruise-lookalike, brown-eyes-chin-dimple etc etc; but they don't come at my time, so who cares!


And now the mystery of the water-cooler! Tan-tana!!

So while one works out, one takes a water break. So, in 1 hour, I drink water about 3-4 times. The time-out at the cooler is a perfect opportunity for one to make conversation with others. So, being the observant person I am, I have noticed that during crowded hours, when a hot girl makes her way towards the cooler, guys choose to take time-outs and rush there :P

I noticed that this one person, [lets call him Creepy-eyes (CE)] started coming to the cooler when I was there. I found it so weird that I started carrying my own bottle to the gym :-/


Such stuff happens everywhere, It depends how you choose to react to them. I have decided that gym-guys are not for me. They are just good to look at; but when you interact with them, you wish the earth would tear apart and swallow them whole! Or they are taken and you wouldn't want them to think of you as a cling-on.

So, Gym is strictly for nirmal anand (mild entertainment) and for other stuff, we have the blogs ;) :P

Grayscale

Love. The chase. The madness.
Essence of Life. Hyped concept.
The lust for more and more of Love.

Honesty. Frank open-mouthed-ness.
Clears the air. Guilt-free.
or Honesty which is abrasive, Raw.

Abuse. Inappropriate, unconventional.
The vices. Indulgence,
or Exploitation of another's space / property.

Want. Desire.
To let the urges take over the whole of you.
To not regret anything, Ever.

Religion. To worship and how.
Wash brains, cleanse souls, follow rituals.
To believe or make-believe.

Respect. Or the sheer absence of it.
Towards something that is available for free.
For someone's feelings.


Resilience. Intolerance. Frustration. Envy.
Calculation. Reasoning. Brainstorming all Pros and Cons.
Emotion. Heart. Flowing with the heart.

Pain.
Or Happiness in else's pain.



Nothing is wrong. And Nothing is right.
It's just a frame of one's mind.

Bachao!

I have been a good girl for so long now. Since the massive fiasco in school, I've managed to act perfect in front of you. You know me as the girl who behaves herself with all your friends, the girl who doesn't mind cooking and cleaning once in a while, the girl who used to go to lab and come straight to the hostel at 10pm.

Then, Why do you want to dig deeper and know 'me'? Why do you want to make me super conscious on a website where I was supposed to be 'myself'? Why can't you continue being the same ignorant and normal mother like you used to be in the past.
WHY?!


Yes children, she caught the facebook bug. She has been asking me to sign her up since a week and I successfully changed the topic. But now, she is officially, the newest member on my friend-list!

DAY1
Ma: (while I was watching TV)I want to be on facebook.
Me: Aree.. you saw Bade Ache Lagte Hai's this week's promo?
Ma: Yea. They are going on honeymoon!!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY2
Me: I saw (some cousin's) pictures. She has lost some weight now. Looks cool!
Ma: Yea? That's because they are trying to get her married off..
Me: Oh. Still, its good to see that people are having fun.
Ma: She sent those photos to you?
Me: No. She just uploaded them.
Ma: Facebook? If I was a member, I would have seen it too.
Me: err.. the dal is very tasty today! Extra garlic?
Ma: No, the trick is to fry the dal with the onion and garlic before adding water..
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY3
Ma: (while I was on the computer) Open an account for me on facebook.
Me: Did you see the new features on yahoo msgr! You can talk to bhaiya in US much more effectively!
Ma: yea?! connect it now!!!!!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY4
Ma: (while I was facebooking on the computer) I also want to use facebook like you do.
Me: Mom, its not for you.
Ma: Why? Because I hadn't seen a computer right when I was born? If your brother was here, he would have been happy because I want to share your fun. But you? you just don't want to keep me updated! (blah..blah..blah..)
Me: Mom, its very complicated! I took 2 months to learn it myself!
Ma: And if you teach me, I can learn it in 2 months too!!
Me: But you have to leave for Kolkata next week! There are so many things we need to do before that!
Ma: I simply forgot!! There is so much to do... Diwali shopping, cleaning, cooking, packing gifts.. lonnng list!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY5
Ma: I told you so many times but you just don't listen to me!
Me: What did I do now?
Ma: You didn't water the plants!
Me: Oh. Give me a minute. I'll get to that.
Ma: You didn't make me a facebook account.
Me: Mom! this plant has a new bud and 2 new leaves!
Ma: Great! I'll take the flower in the flight to Kolkata.
Me: (grin) For dad?
Ma: (blush) For the goddess!
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY6
Ma: Every time I talk about my facebook profile, you make a scared face!
Me: I don't!! Ma, this window is so dirty! Can you fetch me the bottle of Easy off bang?
Ma: This bai is good for nothing. I won't give her diwali bonus.
Me: (victory dance in my head and innocent smile on my face.)

DAY7
Ma: My 4 friends are on facebook now.
Me: Mom, today is the tailor's delivery date nah?
Ma: No, its tomorrow. I want to see how many more of my friends are on facebook.
Me: Aree, i doubt you will find many people. But will you please make fish for dinner?
Ma: I made rotis and you don't eat fish with roti so, I'm making your favorite cauliflower... after I sign up for facebook.
Me: But I am hungry now!
Ma: Its 6pm. Eat biscuits and drink water while you make my facebook id.
Me: My laptop is out of charge.
Ma: Use the power-cord.
Me: The neighbor borrowed it.
Ma: Use my laptop.
Me: (with sad puppy face) My eyes hurt! I worked for 3 hours straight on a PC just now...
Ma: You chatted y'day for 4 hours. Splash some water and teach me facebook for 1 hour. NOW.
Me: Grr.. Why do you want it anyway?
Ma: To keep in touch with friends and find some old friends.
Me: ok. So, you sign up by giving a primary email id.
Ma: gmail? but that expired.. so we have to make a new id.. hmm.. lets think of some name...
Me: NO! Lets use ur existing yahoo one.
Ma: Why yahoo for everything?
Me: Because that takes less time. Now, let me type to show u the 1st time...
Ma: How will I learn if you do everything?
Me: How will I live if you type like a snail?
Ma: You will sit patiently and watch me do it. Like when I watched you draw the alphabets 18 years ago.
Me: (with a desire to tear my head off) OK. So type in your details here.
Ma: (after 10 minutes) done!
Me: Stop rejoicing, its only the start. 5 more forms to go.
Ma: Make tea while I read the policy of the website.
Me: No-one in the history of the universe has ever read them! Just click on agree.
Ma: (Looking at me as if I asked her to throw all her gold in the dustbin) What if I don't?
Me: Then you can't be on the site!
Ma: This is wrong!
Me: I clicked on agree and am standing 1 piece in front of you. 100 million people across the world clicked on agree and made facebook the biggest social networking site ever. NONE of them have gotten into trouble. So please, for the love of god, click on agree.
Ma: Fine. But you made me do it.
Me: OK!!

*frustration continues for another 1 hour*

Me: Now, all we need to do is get you some friends!
Ma: Search for xyz, abc, lmn and pqr!
Me: Done! Now all we have to do is wait for them to respond.
Ma: Wait! They all have 40-50 friends! I need more.
Me: Mom, you have to start small no. Eventually you will get there.
Ma: But everyone who knows me should know that I am on facebook now.
Me: Alright! you can add (some cousin)
Ma: Of course!
(I open my profile and go to the friend list)
Ma: (Pointing at the 'add friend' tab and a sly smile) click on that!
Me: (Mahabharat in my head and an innocent smile on my face.) Of course!

*frustration continues for another 1 hour*

Ma: After my friends add me, how does this change?
Me: You can see their walls, msg them, chat with them, share info with them..
Ma: But how?
Me: Ill login from my id, accept your request. Then you can login from your id and see for yourself.
Ma: Yes. Do that!
(Changes are made. Mom is successfully taught how to login.)
Ma: 300 photos!
Me: I've been here for about 3 years now! So that's not even 10 photos a month!
Ma: Hmm.. Your status message..
Me: What about that now?
Ma: I don't get it.
Me: Its just something random. No-one gets it.
Ma: Still, 12 people liked it.
Me: Aree, people go on liking everything on facebook. You let be.
Ma: (scrolling down) there is so much here..
Me: I told you, its complicated..

(and just when I thought it was done and I could start relaxing..)

Ma: You went on a mid-night road trip with some boys when you were in Pune last month?!?!?


and hence, my facebook account is currently deactivated. :-/

Critical Connection

I travel a lot. No, I don't go to 'explore new places' or 'meet new people', I just travel between two cities 790 kms away from each other. You see, one of them is where my heart belongs (Mumbai) and well, the other is where I am trapped since last 2 years (Hyderabad). 17 hours far away by train. And I would just reiterate that, My love for railways has nothing to do with my name!

I run home-wards, almost every chance I get. It is not a VERY long journey, so if I plan it well, I can manage to meet the most important people to me, every couple months. But that is not what this post is about.

Because of the frequency of my travel and my insistence to experiment with different kinds of people, I choose to usually travel by the 2nd class sleeper coaches. And invariable of the route, or the time, or the season, or my seat number, I end up sitting at the compartment that has one of these,

yes, The emergency window!!

Sometimes I feel as if these things follow me whenever I travel. I have had them in ac coaches, in chair-cars, at seat number 1, at air planes.. sometimes even at private buses. Its almost like god is asking me to take a safe exit from my current plans in life and take up safer assignments.

Another thing that I have noticed is that, these windows manage to not catch up with me when I am traveling with my mother. Does this mean that she is my safety cover?

Have I totally gone crazy?

A piece of my own!

Sharing.
A perfectly beautiful word.
Every relationship has this word in the very definition.

In difficult times, it gives courage to power through it. In times of happiness, it multiplies the fun. And well literally speaking, It reduces the load, makes it manageable.

But there are some things in life that one cannot share away with everyone they know!
For instance,

Confusion.
Yea! The more people we discuss it with, the more confusing it gets! And then the soup leads to us making the wrong decision. End result: the situation gets even more confusing than it originally was!

Secrets.
Obviously. If you blabber it all away, it isn't a secret to start with.

Your ace card.
No, I am not a vixen. But who doesn't enjoy some mild mind games? :P Well, in a tight spot, discussion helps, but either never disclose your brilliantly thought-out next move or, discuss it with someone who doesn't exactly know what you are upto ;) :P

Your bedroom stories.
Seriously. I for one don't need to know how many times you did it :-/

Irrelevant things that happened gazillion years ago.
Need I say anything else?

and Most importantly,
The teeniest tiniest detail about your relationship!
I have always believed that every relationship is different and things that work in some relationships don't need to work for other ones. Every couple has to form their own rhythm and develop their own symphony that requires a lot of effort.

And despite knowing everything, one (read I) know(s) nothing.

Problematic, Beautiful, fucked up, out-of-a-fairy-tale, absolute-delight! Whatever your relationship is, that's your doing. Deal with it.

And let me deal with some real problems.

Stuck at the cross-roads of life

I am at a state when I just want life to stop questioning me how I want it to change. A decision that would determine where I shall belong, what I shall become.. Everytime I come up with an answer to this crucial question; people ask me, "really?" And well, everything I planned and re-planned goes down the drain. When even I am not completely convinced, how the hell should I convince them?

People usually think about this when they are 15 years old. They realise what they want to become and then they try and chase it.. A pilot, a teacher, a chef, a doctor, a model, an actress or even a photographer! Passion develops, chase begins, chase ends, life begins. If they get what they really want, they settle for it. If they don't get it, well, they settle for the next best thing. During the tryst of career-chase, atleast people find out what they don't want to do. And then, they can carve their paths from there.

With me, it was nothing like that.

I knew science was my "thing". And now after completing my bachelor's and (almost) my master's degree, I am not sure. It is plain ridiculous. My classmates are busy applying for PhD or job or fellowship or interview or matrimonial!; and I don't have any motivation towards any of these because none of these are things that I am looking forward to.

Then what am I looking forward to? Well, honestly, I do not know.

I studied till now according to how fate wanted things to turn. Bachelor's in biochemistry was not a concious decision, but I enjoyed it. Then, I did master's in the same subject from a very good university because the tiny research aspirant in me deserved a genuine chance. But here in Unversity of Hyderabad, the last 2 years have just gone by in the rat race to score a face-saving CGPA. And now the research aspirant in me is afraid that she is not good enough. Call me crazy, but I hate coursework, even if I don't suck at it, i still hate it.

What is wrong with me? Honestly, I have tried a lot to figure that out. But, I have failed miserably. You are welcome to try though..

I think I am way too immature to make a huge decision of moving to another country. Plus, I neither have solid research experience, nor killing motivation to make it happen for me. This confusion started with average GRE marks and now I dont know how to set everything right.

To add to my confusion, my area of interest changes everyday; No kidding. I have read loads of books, tons of research papaers, and still am as lost as ever. I really like the way my life is right now and do not want anything to change. I am trying with all my might to postpone the decision, at least till the time when I have the courage to deal with it, till I find the answer to my primary question.

I am going to make a sound decision. And this time, fate shall not triumph.
For the last time, I need more time to look into my crooked brain.
I need time to set my ambitions straight.
I need time to dream and achieve things that I deserve.
I need time to know, what do I want to become...

I wish that next year brings me a little more focus and insight. Any other gifts that want to tag along are most welcome :P Happy holidays everyone! :)

I need to be me tonight

I need a recap tonight
a recap of all mistakes I've done
of all the people I've hurt
and all the disasters, just for fun

I need a car tonight
to run me down memory lane
to make me realise how much time I wasted
all the partial effort, down the drain

I need a new friend tonight
who'd just listen to me go on and on
would neither judge me, nor advice
He'd just leave me on my own

I need to do the right thing tonight
because I've always done what's wrong
never listened, have always imposed
always tried to show, I'm strong

I need to lose myself tonight
so that I can find me again
one day when the sun shall rise
There will be no chance of any rain.

The saga of the whining victor

Antakshari and I are old buddies. I chase it, it chases me; I win it and sometimes if I don’t, it wins me. Where-ever I go, I invariably end up participating in it and hence the chase continues.
So it did, even here in Hyderabad.


On the 30th of Jan ’10, after a whole drama, I managed to make a random team of three and won, yea, came 2nd without doing too much effort and had a gala time. BUT, I had no idea that the last bit of my association with this contest would be the most frustrating one, requiring maximum amount of patience from my side; the part where I collect my prize.

First, they don’t give the prize-money / vouchers on the prescribed day because it is supposed to be centralized. So, hang on, it will come to you. We play safe, ask one of the organizers to collect and then pass it on to us. What I do-not know is that he is an ass who will continuously call me in the middle of a test [after telling him repeatedly that I’m busy till 5pm]. Whatever happened to ‘dropping a text message?!’ Flustered, I decide to deal with the other guy, choose to call him up and explain. Well, he turns out to be the sane choice; let’s call him A. By this time, it is 1st Feb. ’10. A gave me a date after inquiry, 7th Feb, Sunday, official prize distribution day.
Turns out it wasn’t.


I’m sure they had their reasons, but the postponing continued for quite some-time. One of these days, he managed to lay his hands on the cheque and the vouchers, but failed to pass them on to me. Then A and I played I’m busy-You are busy for another couple of weeks, had another blood-boiling experience with the 1st organizer guy and finally, on one of the worst days of my life, 8th March, I collected the glorious prize. Hang on, doesn’t end here.

First of all, the vouchers were bogus. I have an awesome hair-style, and they give me 200/- discount at Habib’s. I don’t wear jewellery, they give me 1000 bucks off, If I shop for 12,000 bucks. Are you kidding me?! There is more to it…
The cheque was an account payee, which I obviously knew would go in my account that might be in any bank under the sky; BUT while giving the cheque to me, A asked me to go to this prescribed bank’s distal branch and en-cash the money. Blind me didn’t read the cheque and took his word for it.

After this, begins the most annoying part. I am running around all day in the campus with the cheque in my wallet and when I get free in the evenings at 5, the bank is shut already! On the 13th Mar, it is second Saturday, the bank won’t even open. Unbelievable frustration

FINALLY, today, 2 days prior to my super-huge ultra-important presentation, I take time out to go all the way to Madhapur in this scorching heat, only to get a joke made out of me. The banker asked me to go back to my campus branch of SBI and deposit the cheque in my account and then, withdraw the money from my regular everyday atm. I insist on withdrawal, but as I’m not his customer, he is free to not entertain me.


Current status is that my cheque is dropped in the box. It will en-cash after 3 working days and then I get the money. If I was in US now, I would be filing defamation against the fest-organizers for being the sole reason behind absolute nuisance, tanning me 2 shades down, causing deep inconvenience and inefficient transfer of deserved currency. But I’m in India, and this happens every day here.

It gets on my nerves more because back home in Bombay, every time we had a fest, the winners got their prizes less than ½ an hour after they won, and here, the cheque was dated 22nd Feb. I still don’t have the money, but I’m ready to ignore all the drama that followed.

You might wonder what were the 2 of my group mates [one of them a guy] doing all this while. Nothing. I couldn’t face them because it was like I owed them money and yet, I didn’t! Of the Rs 500/- of my share, I have already blown about Rs 250/- in making phone calls, travelling, eating ice-creams to turn down frustration and the likes. Another grand would be spent in PARTYYY and treat-treat-treat chants. Grr.


A few good things that came out of the whole thing are that I won against someone I really wanted to show the ground, made another decent friend in Hyderabad and understood the value of a not-so-petty 500 rupee note.

Take home messages.

1. If you organize a fest, it is just not about the 3 days, it is about everything that happens before and after it. Act responsible.

2. If you have an enemy, ask them to participate in Felicity, organized by IIIT Hyd; and make absolutely sure that they win.

Blah.

This love-hate thing..

When they like you, you don't like them;
when they don't, you lurrvveee them.
When you talk to them, you are on cloud nine,
when you don't, probably they are on cloud seventeen :D

And then all this while,
there is this person
who stares at you while you work in the library,
dreams of you, day and night,
tries a lot to talk to you,
smiles a lot while talking to you.


And you keep hoping to talk to the person who doesn't care what you want to talk about, making several blows to the feelings of the one who does care.

This funny thing about liking someone, you sometimes forget that you need to be liked back.


You settle for whatever comes along. You want to eat a fruit, who cares if it is lemon or strawberry? Humour yourself that all is going to end well; but knowing very well deep down that this ain't going nowhere. Hurting someone elses feelings because this one particular person isn't paying enought attention to you.

This funny thing about loving someone and they not loving you back, someone ends up getting hurt for no fault.


Then, there are your friends. They sympathise with your situation, but 'HAVE GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING NOW!' They, their respective relationships and their funny tales. You have to go like, 'You 've gotta be kidding me!!' or 'Awww, I'm so happy for you :)'; when deep down telling yourself, 'Get out of this room before you explode!'

This funny thing about wanting to be friends with only those people who have identical relationship status as you.


Just when the sea in your heart calmed down, why does the tornado strike?
When you were busy playing neutral, why do all the positives and negatives in you start attracting and repulsing with each other?
This sudden rush of feelings for this one person, all goes well and then suddenly,
*Boom*

The bubble bursts!


WHY?

Love, is it?

The favorite topic of discussion?

Dream-partner, dream-romance, dream-dates, dream-kisses, dream-love-making, dream-wedding!

I personally (still) do not believe in love. I (still) do not see why other people do, AND (still) don't think I would ever be able to. All I had to say about love is this.

My last year's valentine's day post was just an attempt to change the whole topic to other forms of love, but well, this weekend I'm saddened.

Every-one's concern is absolutely different.

Shahrukh Khan wants Paki players to play in IPL
Shiv-sena + Ma-na-se don't want call him a traitor instead
Mumbaikars want to see 'My name is Khan'
Rest of india wants to either like it or not-like it
Terrorists wanna bomb one of my favorite bakeries
City-police wants to sleep
Pune-kars want to act like nothing happened
Hyderabadies want Telengana
Students want to study and nail GATE
My hostel-mates want to smoke in the wash-rooms
My classmates want placement
My mum wants me to wear a saree
My bro wants me to study hardER

I meanwhile, want a break!


One weekend, just one weekend surpasses all others as a mighty huge disaster. And what's best? Its just the beginning of the year / term / career, and I'm freaking out already.


Funny how I had to read a quote on Valentine's day. Says,
Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others; while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are visible to us; we have a situation in which misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day.
Interesting, very interesting.

Where is the will? Is there any way?

Winter would mean different things to different people; to me it is like a Black Hole. This winter I seem to have lost all feeling of feeling at all. Forget romance, winter is just a lousy season because:
I’m drained out of everything! Interest, Energy, Thought-process, Motivation; even regular bodily Sensation! Numbness all around; in the periphery, in the limbs, heart, head, every part!

Initially I was looking forward to the “real” winters. In Mumbai temperatures do not fall below 15 degrees usually. Now, being in the jungles of the south, I knew the temperatures would definitely be cooler than back home. What I did not expect was freezing myself to numbness. And well, everything in and around me is now, frozen. Fondness became Apathy, Warmth is now cooled off and the heart? It feels like an ice-cube. Sigh.

Making an attempt needs motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience you have to experiment, to experiment you should innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for the process to trigger you have to make an attempt. So, we are back to square one, the circle of trying, of attempting. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.
I used to think I am. But, I am not.

For survival there is a constant need to attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. When I do try, at times, I fail. I muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve started to stop caring; It is almost like I am asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.

To deal with it is tricky, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure and failing in life is equal to choosing to end it; yes, the ‘will’ is missing. I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting, waiting for calamity to strike, for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything, Panic!

*beep*

And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.

P.S. I'm writing after almost 2 months. Feels good :)

We didn't start the fire

We just took a burning match and dropped it in the bottle full of alcohol.


Never. We will never take responsibility of our wrong doing; And even if something good happens and we were not even remotely involved in it, all we try to do is 'gain some credit'!

Well that's human tendency and we humans tend to do many things.
Generalize
Judge someone
Not smile often
not reply back 'hellos'
cut phone calls coz we are bored
just be bored
just be lazy
Miss the wrong people
blame others
Not accept change

all human tendencies
and all irrelevant.
Or is it so?

Food for thought: Treat others the way you want to be treated back.

Jokes that hurt.

I am not the sensitive kind of people. Usually when random people blabber, I don't even bother to pay attention. If I barely know you, and you are talking crap and acting the PJ cracker, your jokes will not even penetrate my external ears, simply because I don't like pakau/popat/pathetic jokes. But when friends blabber, I join-in the blabbering. Their PJs, the most saddest jokes, make me roll on the floor laughing [not literally :-P] Maybe it is simply because of the fact that I appreciate their attempt to make things at ease and I like them, Of course I do, they are FRIENDS!

We all like laughing, don't we?
Its loads better than sitting in one corner and whining. If there is nothing genuinely funny around, its great to sit down with friends, exaggerate absolutely non-noticeable incidents, pull each others legs, and if we are still unable to extract a PJ, just simply sit back, look at each others futile attempts and laugh. Now I can't justify that, but there are certain friends whose mere sight is enough to get me giggling, a slight mention or even memory, brings a wide smile to my face. They are funny people and that is not what I wanna talk about right now.

Everyone seems to think that being funny is "in" and to be accepted in a group of friends, all one needs to do is crack jokes. I don't blame anyone, even I like to laugh. Plus, secretly I accept that I like people who make me laugh. But does that mean that everyone has to be humorous?

People don't know when to stop the whole act that was originally started for enjoyment, this is where they lack. They are all nice people with decent sense of humor, but they constantly cross that line and other people think its funny and you can't be a spoilt sport to take offense and at the end of the day they are your friends and it was just a joke and what will others think and aarrgghhhh......every possible aspect of the situation comes in front of you. Then its all up to you. Whether to object and ask them to shut the trash or laugh along and give them the benefit.

I personally believe, that if you can't tell them that you are uncomfortable, what good is your friendship for? Alright, they couldn't recognize the discomfort in your body-language, but never take home any incident that might have hurt you in any-way. Additionally, never pretend that life is all rosy, because by doing that, you will just be inviting another similar episode. It all boils down to the ability of laughing at one-self and comfort in tackling jokes to turn them into episodes of no offense and pure fun. More-over, when PJs are directed back to the person who initiated it all, that person in turn should not take offense, appreciate the joke and then the cycle can continue :-P

So PJ crackers, choose your victim well. If some-one objects, know when to stop. Your jokes might sound funny to you, for us they are traumatic. If all people laugh on things you say, they might even be laughing at you, think about it, think about it before opening your mouth, it is good friendship and trust at stake.

P.S. The post is directed towards a person from real-life and a particular set of people who are very dear to me. This strictly does not mean that I don't like jokes that are directed towards me or general PJs being cracked to derive fun.