The favorite topic of discussion?
Dream-partner, dream-romance, dream-dates, dream-kisses, dream-love-making, dream-wedding!
I personally (still) do not believe in love. I (still) do not see why other people do, AND (still) don't think I would ever be able to. All I had to say about love is this.
My last year's valentine's day post was just an attempt to change the whole topic to other forms of love, but well, this weekend I'm saddened.
Every-one's concern is absolutely different.
Shahrukh Khan wants Paki players to play in IPL
Shiv-sena + Ma-na-se don't want call him a traitor instead
Mumbaikars want to see 'My name is Khan'
Rest of india wants to either like it or not-like it
Terrorists wanna bomb one of my favorite bakeries
City-police wants to sleep
Pune-kars want to act like nothing happened
Hyderabadies want Telengana
Students want to study and nail GATE
My hostel-mates want to smoke in the wash-rooms
My classmates want placement
My mum wants me to wear a saree
My bro wants me to study hardER
I meanwhile, want a break!
One weekend, just one weekend surpasses all others as a mighty huge disaster. And what's best? Its just the beginning of the year / term / career, and I'm freaking out already.
Funny how I had to read a quote on Valentine's day. Says,
Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others; while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are visible to us; we have a situation in which misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day.
Interesting, very interesting.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Where is the will? Is there any way?
Winter would mean different things to different people; to me it is like a Black Hole. This winter I seem to have lost all feeling of feeling at all. Forget romance, winter is just a lousy season because:
I’m drained out of everything! Interest, Energy, Thought-process, Motivation; even regular bodily Sensation! Numbness all around; in the periphery, in the limbs, heart, head, every part!
Initially I was looking forward to the “real” winters. In Mumbai temperatures do not fall below 15 degrees usually. Now, being in the jungles of the south, I knew the temperatures would definitely be cooler than back home. What I did not expect was freezing myself to numbness. And well, everything in and around me is now, frozen. Fondness became Apathy, Warmth is now cooled off and the heart? It feels like an ice-cube. Sigh.
Making an attempt needs motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience you have to experiment, to experiment you should innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for the process to trigger you have to make an attempt. So, we are back to square one, the circle of trying, of attempting. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.
I used to think I am. But, I am not.
For survival there is a constant need to attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. When I do try, at times, I fail. I muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve started to stop caring; It is almost like I am asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.
To deal with it is tricky, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure and failing in life is equal to choosing to end it; yes, the ‘will’ is missing. I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting, waiting for calamity to strike, for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything, Panic!
*beep*
And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.
P.S. I'm writing after almost 2 months. Feels good :)
I’m drained out of everything! Interest, Energy, Thought-process, Motivation; even regular bodily Sensation! Numbness all around; in the periphery, in the limbs, heart, head, every part!
Initially I was looking forward to the “real” winters. In Mumbai temperatures do not fall below 15 degrees usually. Now, being in the jungles of the south, I knew the temperatures would definitely be cooler than back home. What I did not expect was freezing myself to numbness. And well, everything in and around me is now, frozen. Fondness became Apathy, Warmth is now cooled off and the heart? It feels like an ice-cube. Sigh.
Making an attempt needs motivation, Motivation comes from experience, for experience you have to experiment, to experiment you should innovate, Innovation is a product of thought process and for the process to trigger you have to make an attempt. So, we are back to square one, the circle of trying, of attempting. If you are of the opinion that you are the master of this circle, think again; You might just be humoring yourself.
I used to think I am. But, I am not.
For survival there is a constant need to attempt; for which I’m either too de-motivated or simply lost at majority times. When I do try, at times, I fail. I muster courage, and try several times, sometimes it gets done, some other times I lose interest and give up. How justified is it, I do not know and honestly, I’ve started to stop caring; It is almost like I am asexual, non-productive by both feelings and ideas.
To deal with it is tricky, to care about it is saddening, to not care about it is the reason for failure and failing in life is equal to choosing to end it; yes, the ‘will’ is missing. I thought just hanging on would help me figure ways out of it. But that is just waiting, waiting for calamity to strike, for my inevitable end to set me free. So, I have to deal with it now, but how? That also needs to be self-figured out. It is almost like jumping in the sea with neither swimming skills nor a life-jacket. Sink, float, sink more, float some more; when you try to float, you sink; when you try to sink, you float. Suffocation, Derangement, Disorientation, Losing sanity, losing everything, Panic!
*beep*
And then one breeze comes by and sweeps all despair beyond me, this one is called ‘Hope’, to survive, to clear well, to sail through. In the end, the real world is still two shores away and I am busy building my own fresh new world.
P.S. I'm writing after almost 2 months. Feels good :)
Friday, November 27, 2009
Do I not belong here anymore?
It smells a little different in here
not like it did when I had left
the fresh calm is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.
The furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door is changed,
A gleaming new washing-machine has replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.
I can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to the fan or light
There are marks on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.
My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since four months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on someone else's space.
This someone else is me that I was back then
Carefree, Teenager, Thoughtless, Easy;
The someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery.
Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.
It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be.
Mamma-Papa are the same though;
some wrinkles are new, some kilos here and there
But its the same warmth that I used to feel
when I was she.
I'll always be their princess maybe
Always, the little one
So coming to them will always be like
coming home, whichever house it might be.
not like it did when I had left
the fresh calm is no more in the air
Now it is stale, almost suffocating.
The furniture has been moved, I notice
The lock to the main-door is changed,
A gleaming new washing-machine has replaced
the cabinet that held my belongings.
I can't figure out the keys
Neither the switches to the fan or light
There are marks on the wall that did not exist
New frames that I have never seen before.
My room looks familiar though
Nothing has been touched since four months ago
Still somehow I feel like i'm sleeping on someone else's bed
Hogging on someone else's space.
This someone else is me that I was back then
Carefree, Teenager, Thoughtless, Easy;
The someone that I have become now
Nomadic, Over-Planned, Measured, Mystery.
Both are strangers to each other.
She belonged, I don't feel the strings attached,
She just spoke, never thought,
I think and sometimes, never speak;
She flew, she wrote, she laughed a lot
She trusted, I don't;
She loved, I won't.
It's almost like I don't belong here;
I hate to admit but I'm jealous of her
Not very long ago, she was me
And now, I am someone I don't want to be.
Mamma-Papa are the same though;
some wrinkles are new, some kilos here and there
But its the same warmth that I used to feel
when I was she.
I'll always be their princess maybe
Always, the little one
So coming to them will always be like
coming home, whichever house it might be.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
We didn't start the fire
We just took a burning match and dropped it in the bottle full of alcohol.
Never. We will never take responsibility of our wrong doing; And even if something good happens and we were not even remotely involved in it, all we try to do is 'gain some credit'!
Well that's human tendency and we humans tend to do many things.
Generalize
Judge someone
Not smile often
not reply back 'hellos'
cut phone calls coz we are bored
just be bored
just be lazy
Miss the wrong people
blame others
Not accept change
all human tendencies
and all irrelevant.
Or is it so?
Food for thought: Treat others the way you want to be treated back.
Never. We will never take responsibility of our wrong doing; And even if something good happens and we were not even remotely involved in it, all we try to do is 'gain some credit'!
Well that's human tendency and we humans tend to do many things.
Generalize
Judge someone
Not smile often
not reply back 'hellos'
cut phone calls coz we are bored
just be bored
just be lazy
Miss the wrong people
blame others
Not accept change
all human tendencies
and all irrelevant.
Or is it so?
Food for thought: Treat others the way you want to be treated back.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Different cities, different ways..
I always heard that India is 'diverse'; Now I finally know what that means..
Moved from,
to
It took me about more than a month to get used to the ways of the new city. Considering the fact that both the cities have very different history, this was expected. What makes it complicated is that the concepts that are just normal here are considered hilarious there and ways of life there are plain weird here. 'I' meanwhile am stuck between the places and trying to hunt for a midway.
Like, if you named a part of the city as 'High-tech city' in mumbai, people would either die laughing or simply change the name; and the same thing in Hyderabad is, 'cool' :-| I'm yet to know what is so high-tech about the high-tech city, the rocks are pretty authentic though..
The kinds of clothes I wear were never a matter of concern for me back home. Here, if i leave the room wearing shorts, the amount of staring is unbelievable! I try and wear 'full' clothes and even a scarf [for the sun] to just complete the burkha effect! My normal hairstyles are now 'fancy' and my sense of style is 'fashionable'. I get compliments thrown at all the time and more than making me happy, it ends up making me uncomfortable. Weird, very weird.
Oh, another thing..
If I come across a random guy in Mumbai, like the auto-walah / shopkeeper types, and call him 'bhaiya' it is supposedto be very offensive! I've called such people as 'uncle' all my life; and now if I call them uncle, I get a sly smile quipped with "Main aapko uncle lagta kya madam?" :-| Yeah, thats Hyderabadi hindi for you :-|
The local trains are replaced by MMTS, which suck
The Vada Pav is replaced by Dal wada;
The Cutting chai became 'Special tea';
Running to catch train has become cycling to class;
Super heavy showers shrunk into occasional drizzles;
DPs Restaurant has become Gopal shop;
Mom-made food is now putrid mess food;
Shivaji Park beach is now Peacock lake side;
The Biggest party ever called 'college' is over..
and campus life just happened!
Am I not happy?
No. There is not much to be unhappy about. The University is the best, facilities are bestest ever, people are kinda decent, my faculty is super-sexy and I've decent number of friends..
Then why am I whining?
I have my first internal exam this week :'(
P.S. Bharath is the only person in the university whom I knew before I came here; and as always, its FUN to meet blog-mates! :D
Moved from,
to
It took me about more than a month to get used to the ways of the new city. Considering the fact that both the cities have very different history, this was expected. What makes it complicated is that the concepts that are just normal here are considered hilarious there and ways of life there are plain weird here. 'I' meanwhile am stuck between the places and trying to hunt for a midway.
Like, if you named a part of the city as 'High-tech city' in mumbai, people would either die laughing or simply change the name; and the same thing in Hyderabad is, 'cool' :-| I'm yet to know what is so high-tech about the high-tech city, the rocks are pretty authentic though..
The kinds of clothes I wear were never a matter of concern for me back home. Here, if i leave the room wearing shorts, the amount of staring is unbelievable! I try and wear 'full' clothes and even a scarf [for the sun] to just complete the burkha effect! My normal hairstyles are now 'fancy' and my sense of style is 'fashionable'. I get compliments thrown at all the time and more than making me happy, it ends up making me uncomfortable. Weird, very weird.
Oh, another thing..
If I come across a random guy in Mumbai, like the auto-walah / shopkeeper types, and call him 'bhaiya' it is supposedto be very offensive! I've called such people as 'uncle' all my life; and now if I call them uncle, I get a sly smile quipped with "Main aapko uncle lagta kya madam?" :-| Yeah, thats Hyderabadi hindi for you :-|
The local trains are replaced by MMTS, which suck
The Vada Pav is replaced by Dal wada;
The Cutting chai became 'Special tea';
Running to catch train has become cycling to class;
Super heavy showers shrunk into occasional drizzles;
DPs Restaurant has become Gopal shop;
Mom-made food is now putrid mess food;
Shivaji Park beach is now Peacock lake side;
The Biggest party ever called 'college' is over..
and campus life just happened!
Am I not happy?
No. There is not much to be unhappy about. The University is the best, facilities are bestest ever, people are kinda decent, my faculty is super-sexy and I've decent number of friends..
Then why am I whining?
I have my first internal exam this week :'(
P.S. Bharath is the only person in the university whom I knew before I came here; and as always, its FUN to meet blog-mates! :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)