The gush of hope

I'm glad it rained last night..
The earth's heat needed cooling off
coz summer was being unbearable,
not like winter's mild cold and cough.

I'm glad it rained last night..
washing off all despair with it.
The clouds cried as they rejoiced,
called friends and foes up for a meet!

I'm glad it rained last night..
It brightened up the morning of today.
With smiling faces and happy souls
finding both their will and their way.

I'm glad it rained last night..
for otherwise, I wouldn't have met him.
Two strangers, a cup of tea,
and chats with the light, oh-so dim ;)

Life is too simple if you don't complicate it!

Academics, love-life, hygiene, image, popularity, impression on elders, rapport with teachers, statement of purpose, short-term goals of life, Long term goals of life, keeping parents content, denying distant relatives a reason to pick on you, phone bills, random friend's birthday present contribution share, boyfriend/girlfriend trouble, heart-aches, deadlines, interviews, books to read, things to do, movies to watch, etc etc.. There are so much stuff that an average young adult is responsible for.

Every single time when I think that I have gained expertise in one aspect, other ones start falling apart. Managing ones’ life effectively is more difficult than probably managing a multi-national company! Just that a lot is on stake in case of the so called 'managers', but all of us do manage by, don't we?

Thinking about how one can change their life into something better is probably the world's favorite way of passing time. What we fail to realize is that, at some point of time, we have to loosen the strain on improvement and care about making the best of what we have. Cribbing about life doesn't make it better, it only creates negativity which is very difficult to get rid of.

There has to be a simpler way of living. More richer, more fulfilling..

Appreciate; yourself, others, their efforts.. Understand; what the universe is trying to tell you.. Realize; that it's never too late to make a fresh start. Try; to like the choices available to you.. and choose, the one choice that makes me most happy.

Easy to talk and difficult to walk?

I am going to try. There is everything to gain.

Stuck at the cross-roads of life

I am at a state when I just want life to stop questioning me how I want it to change. A decision that would determine where I shall belong, what I shall become.. Everytime I come up with an answer to this crucial question; people ask me, "really?" And well, everything I planned and re-planned goes down the drain. When even I am not completely convinced, how the hell should I convince them?

People usually think about this when they are 15 years old. They realise what they want to become and then they try and chase it.. A pilot, a teacher, a chef, a doctor, a model, an actress or even a photographer! Passion develops, chase begins, chase ends, life begins. If they get what they really want, they settle for it. If they don't get it, well, they settle for the next best thing. During the tryst of career-chase, atleast people find out what they don't want to do. And then, they can carve their paths from there.

With me, it was nothing like that.

I knew science was my "thing". And now after completing my bachelor's and (almost) my master's degree, I am not sure. It is plain ridiculous. My classmates are busy applying for PhD or job or fellowship or interview or matrimonial!; and I don't have any motivation towards any of these because none of these are things that I am looking forward to.

Then what am I looking forward to? Well, honestly, I do not know.

I studied till now according to how fate wanted things to turn. Bachelor's in biochemistry was not a concious decision, but I enjoyed it. Then, I did master's in the same subject from a very good university because the tiny research aspirant in me deserved a genuine chance. But here in Unversity of Hyderabad, the last 2 years have just gone by in the rat race to score a face-saving CGPA. And now the research aspirant in me is afraid that she is not good enough. Call me crazy, but I hate coursework, even if I don't suck at it, i still hate it.

What is wrong with me? Honestly, I have tried a lot to figure that out. But, I have failed miserably. You are welcome to try though..

I think I am way too immature to make a huge decision of moving to another country. Plus, I neither have solid research experience, nor killing motivation to make it happen for me. This confusion started with average GRE marks and now I dont know how to set everything right.

To add to my confusion, my area of interest changes everyday; No kidding. I have read loads of books, tons of research papaers, and still am as lost as ever. I really like the way my life is right now and do not want anything to change. I am trying with all my might to postpone the decision, at least till the time when I have the courage to deal with it, till I find the answer to my primary question.

I am going to make a sound decision. And this time, fate shall not triumph.
For the last time, I need more time to look into my crooked brain.
I need time to set my ambitions straight.
I need time to dream and achieve things that I deserve.
I need time to know, what do I want to become...

I wish that next year brings me a little more focus and insight. Any other gifts that want to tag along are most welcome :P Happy holidays everyone! :)

I need to be me tonight

I need a recap tonight
a recap of all mistakes I've done
of all the people I've hurt
and all the disasters, just for fun

I need a car tonight
to run me down memory lane
to make me realise how much time I wasted
all the partial effort, down the drain

I need a new friend tonight
who'd just listen to me go on and on
would neither judge me, nor advice
He'd just leave me on my own

I need to do the right thing tonight
because I've always done what's wrong
never listened, have always imposed
always tried to show, I'm strong

I need to lose myself tonight
so that I can find me again
one day when the sun shall rise
There will be no chance of any rain.

When 'Thanks' doesn't seem enough..

I have had a rough couple of months. Academically, emotionally, and even health-wise. I had just one week to get back to Hyderabad and most of it was going to be dedicated to my TOEFL. I did not get a chance to meet most of my friends here, back home, and worse, GRE got screwed up as expected because you see, I wasn't well.

Just when nothing seemed to work well for me, My 21st birthday arrived and set everything straight :)

Birthdays for me have always been a huge celebration. Well, till the 19th one. 20th birthday saw me stepping out of teenage and also out of home to pursue my Master's in University of Hyderabad. So, it was a mixed box of feelings. 21st one was my official entry to adulthood and I wasn't quite sure how grand I wanted to make it. But, my awesome friends and super-mom made sure they made it the best birthday ever!

I got 4 birthday Cakes; and 2 more are pending in Hyd..
I was gifted lots of stuff and all of it is something I needed.
Read 2 most awesome birthday cards that made me cry :')
Met some new people and visited some pending eat-outs in Mumbai.
Literally, shopped till I dropped.
Slept for only 3 n 1/2 hours of the 24 :)
went 1/2 hour late to my own birthday party coz I was busy on the phone
Met most of my favorite people on the planet.
Spoke to everyone for whom my heart reaches out.

My phone got jammed at 00:00 am on 18th because of the number of messages that were delivered at the same time :P

I was so overwhelmed with all the love being showered that I had a wide smile on my face when I knocked off at the night after all the celebration. I really needed this high and my friends made sure they made the best out of it :)

I just LOVE my birthdays :)